07.12.05 | 11:02 pm
7 TIPS TO TOTAL SELF-CONFIDENCE

so i am taking some summer classes. one of them is chemistry. one of them is a studio art class. a lot of people in that class are taking it for... what people like to label "PERSONAL ENRICHMENT" but i am taking it for a requirement.

basically, i get credit for learning how to use photoshop. i already kind of know how to use photoshop but it's only because i make things that look like this.

ridiculous.

i'm trying to find a place to live. i think i already have my heart set on one place. $1800 3 bedrooms, backyard, washer dryer, gas, water, standard cable included, all recently remodeled, 2 car parking, a flower shop converted to a residence. it's a renter's paradise.

my car has 2 suitcases full of clothes in it and boxes full of things. my small hatchback which normally seats 5 has been reduced to seating 2. as hot as it sounds to look like you live in your car, you should pass. maybe i will wash my car... it is 14 years old this year.

but it's in pretty good shape.

07.09.05 | 3:31 pm
PANDA

yesterday i went to the orange county fair. it was all that i expected and MORE.

it was opening day... so when i watched the chinese acrobats spinning dishes, tumbling into stacks of rings 10 ft high, dropping one of the five tins they flipped at one time from their toes to their head while riding a unicycle... i was not disappointed. it was their first performance in america.

you know, i took gymnastics when i was little. i took ballet too. i really liked ballet but my sister makes fun of me and says that when the parents came to watch ballet class, i was the littlest and i always went way faster than everyone else.

i won a fish at the fair. and i just got it a new home at petsmart. his name, for now, is panda. i don't know how i could top picadilly.

i did a lot of stuff at the fair. and i saw my sister last night. it was her birthday. it was at a club where they pretend to be snooty and have lists and velvet ropes and once you get inside you ask yourself why you are paying $12 for a drink and dancing to NELLY.

i want to dance to prince only. and the revolution. i have to study chemistry now. please shoot me in the foot if it means i will pass this class.

07.09.05 | 3:19 pm
MEET CHOCKO

THIS IS CHOCKO.

CHOCKO IS SCOUT'S BEST FRIEND THIS WEEK. SHE LOVES CHOCKO VERY MUCH. SHE TAKES HIM EVERYWHERE.

BUT SOON SHE WILL DESTROY CHOCKO.

CHOCKO WILL BECOME CHOCKO SKIN ONCE ALL THE FLUFF HAS BEEN PAWED OUT.

AND CHOCKO SKIN WILL SOON BECOME CHOCKO HEAD, CHOCKO BODY, AND CHOCKO ARMS.

THOSE ARMS ARE COMING OFF ANY DAY NOW. THE FLUFF IS ALREADY GONE FROM HIS LEGS.

TODAY SCOUT WENT SHOPPING AT PETSMART WITH ME. SHE HELPED PICK OUT MY NEW PET'S NEW HOUSE.

THIS IS SCOUT'S DOGSTER PROFILE--> READ IT AND WEEP.

07.03.05 | 12:24 am
unmentionables: don't mention them

i ate pizza twice today... i don't even have to say any more. bottom line, it was a good day.

i think i'm gonna make some art tomorrow. and i think i'm gonna go dancing too. i'm so excited for that. i haven't been dancing at a shitty 80s club in months and months. and fuck yeah, now i can drink legally.

oh yeah.

last night and a few other nights and days this week i have been getting way too partied out. i can't even function or talk to anyone. i get so out of it that i just want to lie down and be wrapped in blankets and placed in front of a television.

it is not tolerance that is in question but my meal skipping. and that has got to stop. don't worry, it isn't a disorder. it's more an act of laziness. if only i could get the energy and motivation to actually get up and get to food. but i am learning how to cook. i'm a machine. i watch food network. i look up recipes. it's been going pretty well so far.

i've been trying to clean up my act but i'm still living out of backpacks and suitcases and i don't want to get too comfortable in any space.

...but i could use some clean bloomers.

06.28.05 | 10:52 pm
HOW DARE YOU

well, i learned how to ride a bicycle yesterday. and now i've got bicycles on the brain. all i can think about is cruising. cruising beaches, streets, replacing my car? i can't get enough.

so now that it's summer, i have class every day. i am taking two classes... one of them is chemistry. you, like me, might ask yourself why an art major is taking chemistry and you, like me, should know this. about two years ago i was following my 10 year old dream of becoming a marine biologist. and now i am finishing the painful series.

painful, painful series.

when i'm in class i think i'm invincible. i psych myself out and think yeah, this is the quarter. i'm gonna get it all together. nothing but A+s. and i volunteer to do things. i raise my hand even when i don't have something brilliant in mind. and i say yeah, i'm gonna do this reading right when i walk out the door. and today i watched three episodes of the o.c. and ate tommy's.

i haven't had tommy's in years. there was that whole not eating animals thing. but now i eat them sometimes but also organic and fruit and salad and i am better than i sound. honest.

i took scout on a walk today. she really is the best thing ever. scout's honor.

06.27.05 | 7:06 pm
i am feeling extra swoony

today was my first day of summer school. i don't know but it was always in the back of my head that i would be able to do this... easy. and i sit down in this 300+ person lecture and think, yeah, cake.

and then she starts writing things on the overhead.... equations, aqueous, common ion effect, le chatelier's, reactants, products, and about 20 minutes into the 2 hour lecture i am thinking, what the fuck is going on?

i am 21 years old. everyone in this room is about 18. and it's easy for them. and i just got home from studying abroad... i haven't looked at math or math / science hybrids for years. what the fuck am i doing here?

i'm trying to learn how to ride a bike today while baking brownies.

...and i think i just overcooked the brownies.

06.25.05 | 2:33 pm
it is another thing entirely

i trimmed my bangs the other night. there are a few handfuls of hair in the trash can. it looks okay. more than anything i think i just need change. i don't know if i have it in me to become a minimalist but there are things i just don't need.

so today i'm going to the angels dodgers game. tuesday i went to the angels rangers game. i start summer school on monday. since i got home i really have not done anything. i haven't even seen most of the people i was supposed to see. i watch trashy television (IN ENGLISH) and eat burritos and go to the beach.

i'm whitening my teeth with those whitestrips. in 7 days i should have pearly whites.

my room is a mess. my life is a mess. i don't really have a real place to live right now. i try to spread out my nights between a number of places. so i'm still living out of a backpack except that now i also get to live out of my car and drive anywhere at any hour. the possibilities are endless.

i'm going to eat some pistacchios now. they might be my favorite nut... ever.

06.17.05 | 7:47 am
california love

my 34 days of being on the road has come to an end. i just started reading kerouac too. it's one of those things i meant to do like seven years ago and never got around to it. i suppose it is like flossing. but i have been flossing more, i hope my dentist notices.

i don't know. i think i expected my homecoming to be different somehow. not like balloons and whistles or anything but... if anything, my mom ruins it. i don't know why she has a gigantic bone to pick with me all the time now but it's one thing after another.

it wasn't always like this. in fact, it used to be great for a short period. it was shit in high school, then it was okay after i moved out, and now it's shit again. i mean, the woman didn't even smile when she saw me. you would think after five months of not seeing your youngest daughter that you would say something other than that my hair smells like smoke and that i've been charging too much money on my card. and i wasn't. shit, i never splurged until i left rome and went on my trip. and even then it was food and board, not champagne and caviar.

christ.

other than that, everything is fine. it's great. people speak english. i can take a shower. i can be groomed and feel like a girl again. i have more clothes than those that can fit into my backpack.

i feel like things will go back to normal in about a week. and then, thank god, i start an intensive session of summer school for the duration of the summer. i need to keep busy or the shift is going to be too big.

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