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w e d 12.29.04 | 1:02 am
christmas didn't really seem much like christmas this year. mr. jones told me that christmas really is a holiday for children and the more years that go by, the less he cares for it. i never really liked egg nog anyway. is it a simple festive beverage made to be spiked with brandy or is it raw egg whipped up rich and creamy and gross? two words that just don't sound tasty together at all, i don't care what you say... egg and nog. think about it. i think i'm onto something here. i got an iPod. gogogadgets. i realized that lately i am either incredibly social or just a complete homebody. and i'm horrible at returning calls. bad at learning names too. i have become a complete hermit lately. today i did not leave the house until eight at night. i slept until noon. i showered at four. and all the hours in between noon and eight, i really could not tell you one real thing that i acheived. but praise the lord, i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. this mane is beyond my control. i need to seek the help of a professional. my art show date is approaching and i am still not very clear on what the hell i am doing. i really should be more worried than i am. a new year ahead.
t h u r s 12.23.04 | 12:59 am
tonight is a stay-in night. i assume that most people feel the anguish of not having their body in the ideal condition. and i'm not talking about looks, i mean that i feel haggard all the time right now... that no matter how much i sleep, i am hardly ever well-rested. i can sleep 12 hours, get up for 2 hours, then take a nap. rinse, repeat. my sister told me that dogs sleep 75% of their lives and it is probably not a good idea that i take my naps when scout takes hers. i started doing that for a while but have since stopped. after all, scout does not have to go to school and get a career one of these days. i wonder if i will ever grow up. shopping has never been such a chore before this very moment. it seems that time is always running out. i hate you, mall. my situation would be greatly improved if just even a small percentage of the people at south coast plaza would have been more prompt and hasty this year. but who am i to talk. happy holidays.
f r i 12.17.04 | 3:46 pm
i'm not very good at christmas usually and this year i have been especially bad. i haven't even thought of what to get people on my list and usually i have an almost neurotic system of, over time, thinking about what the person would really like. oh well. i always seem to do things in a rush. most people do though. no more drinking like i did last night. my tolerance has gone down slightly and i really should not try to keep up with men when it comes to shots of vodka. i'm not a vodka girl. i hate the taste. i demonstrated that when i threw up the salad i had for dinner. four people finished two bottles of vodka and they weren't wussy bottles neither. i need a nap, stat. i'm off to vegas. mmm, vice.
t h u r s 12.16.04 | 1:45 am
he asked me to tell him a bedtime story
provare
parce que
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
NEWSFLASH: my camera has been returned from canon headquarters and is (drumroll please) BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR. okay. sooooooo not the answer i was looking for. in an effort to pay for a new camera, i've resorted to not doing anything involving money, minus my beercandylifeaquatic splurge yesterday.
who wants to go on the fasting challenge? i bet i can go longer than you can.
rest in peace, canon powershot sd10. you were good to me. you were less than a year old. i treated you poorly on halloween. i'm sorry. i should know better than to have my expensive electronics on my person while heavily, heavily abusing multiple substances at once.
w e d 12.15.04 | 9:39 pm
less apathy and more production
i saw THE LIFE AQUATIC yesterday. it was good. i liked the several portugeuse renditions of david bowie songs. i need to see it a second time though. this time i was too high, eating candy, and drinking a tall can, way too much stimulation to fully enjoy the film.
someone messaged me today and claimed to know me from a christian dating site. i mean, excuse me? twat? i guess that's a good joke but my notions of it being a prank were quickly dismissed as he seemed to get more offended and more angry with my killer sarcasm and wit. i knew i couldn't possibly have anyone honestly message me from a screenname so trite as "toughaznails."
so... i could be productive with the five weeks i have until i move to another country but, honestly, just a few more hours and i will actually morph into a cushion on the couch.
i ate meat. i was curious as to how it would taste. i realized that i'm not missing much. it doesn't taste good or bad and i have deemed it an arbitrary addition or subtraction from my life. i'm not going to be a nazi about it but... it really doesn't do anything for me anymore.
i'm in my first art show in a month and yet, i always imagined it so differently. maybe less apathy and more production on my end. maybe more input into my first proper debut.
i got stoned yesterday and drove to hollywood. the drive wasn't noticable at all. mental note for future reference.
m o n 12.13.04 | 3:51 pm
no one likes to admit this
i did not make this masterpiece, a cute little man made it. in my dreams, i speak italian. someone (me) needs to brush up on their italian. i didn't realize my departure date was coming up so soon. and there are so many things i feel like i have to do before i leave... and yet, what do i have to do when i really stop to think about it. i have to pack. i have to study italian. i have to buy warm clothes and some things to take abroad (adapter.) i want to get my hair cut. i am really excited and equally nervous. this week i have had two brushes with the parents of my friends in family occasion situations. those types of things do make me nervous but after a while i just get sold on the idea that all famillies are a little crazy even though no one likes to admit this. and then i realize, oh, so this is where _________ grew up, this is where they came from. and it's fine. my mom can top most of the crazy relatives anyway no contest. will i graduate in four years which grad school am i looking into what will i do after school with a useless studio art degree and art history minor. and at first these questions frustrate me until i think about how many other 20 year olds before me struggled with this guff from the mom. and most of them got jobs some place, some way. i'll probably be fine.
m o n 12.06.04 | 11:02 pm
things are going so much better than planned. i got some new clothes this weekend. lots of clothes, very little money. i love you, sample sales. you are so good to me. there is something about new clothes that puts a prance in my step. i wear them as soon as i get them. i try not to wear them all at once. one, maybe two new things a day. and the thing with sample sales is trying not to outfit yourself head to toe in one brand. c'est une faux pas! mon dieu. i have never been in a relationship with a boy, of a romantic nature, that has had a positive influence on me. they usually just make me bad... make me do more drugs, make me get less done, make me unhappy, make me frustrated. but this, this is great. what a novel idea. i'd like to think i have something to look forward to coming home to rather than just the old... i miss american food, free water, and my friends and family. i was chosen to be in the winter undergraduate select art show. the funny thing is that i didn't even submit anything. now that is great. that made my day. i think the reception will only be a couple days before i move to italy. that, and the fact that my winter break begins tomorrow around 5 pm. i love it. i love italy. i love making art. i like bear a lot. i love my life right now. everything is falling into place. shoot, i even did my laundry today. mmm, clean sheets.
12.02.04 | 5:20 am
tonight i saw a dead body. i have never seen one like that before, face down in the street, head smashed, blood blanketing the asphalt, bones broken, body limp. it was brief and up close and seconds after i heard it happen. it sounded bad but i never imagined it would look like that. it shook me up more than i'd like to admit. because the first thing i thought of was how old is he, where was he going, does he have kids, does he have a love, what happened to him this week, what will happen to him tonight, are his parents alive. robby said not to worry too much because you never know, you have to hope for the best, maybe he will be okay. but i've never seen anything like that before. i still see it when i close my eyes.
what a novel idea.
tonight i saw a dead body.
