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s a t 08.28.04 | 2:06 pm
it seems that everyone is talking about coke lately. i don't know why it keeps coming up in recent conversation but in just about every conversation i had yesterday, it came up a number of times. i got an offer for free coke. but i postponed. i got home at two am and someone near and dear to me kept me up until five talking and talking and talking... he did a few lines. i took a rain check on the white lady because it is something i question. he asked if i was mad at him for it and i said how could i be mad, i don't judge over things like that. if i were him, i would have done the same. he began the conversation with "i think i made a mistake tonight." he repeated things over and over and told me things he doesn't usually say. nice things. i told him things i don't usually say either, things i don't tell most people... except teera, maybe heather or paul. i have put things up my nose before but it was stupid and doesn't count. if you would have asked me three years ago to do a line i would have said no. but now i'm not sure. it's odd how things change, between people, with just yourself. i do have an open mind and am open to new experiences, drug and not drug-related. this picture was taken at an amoeba party where the dj was awesome, they served zankou, and dimitrius gave me straight rum in a red cup, no ice. lance is on the left, i recognized him from amoeba. paul is on the right, i watched him karaoke "heard it through the grapevine" two nights ago in lbc.
t h u r s 08.19.04 | 11:40 am
i told ro bear that i like looking at empty houses and apartments, no matter how fancy or how tore up they are. there is something i do when i walk around an empty house, every time without fail. i go into each room and i start placing furniture on the floor, knick knacks on the shelves, paintings on the walls and before i know it, all my belongings and more have made themselves home in a new home and even when i have no intention of living in this new space, i just like to think of how it would be. i think i could be happy almost anywhere. the country doesn't bore me. the city doesn't scare me. the suburbs are where i grew up. i love listening to elliott smith albums while laying in bed by myself or next to someone i love. sarah bear is a cuddle slut and i love her. she is moving to salt lake in a few days. when she leaves a part of me will go with her and a piece of her will stay with me. i believe in fate. some things are just meant to be and they have always been decided for you since the day you were born. there is always a reason... no matter how hard it is to see sometimes. i'm leaving for santa barbara today with my sarah bear. i'll return in a few days. i think i need a trip to take my mind away even though nothing is currently bothering me at the moment. sometimes things just need to be changed. and inevitably, they will. with all the emotional instability i have experienced in the past couple years it's hard to believe that this is my life. and it will only get better in the next year when i live abroad. i'm so excited i could cry like hamm. who has been watching the olympics? it's so intense.
s a t 08.14.04 | 11:50 pm
i want to be able to do this all day, every day.
if there were lines of coke lining this hallway, i'd be motherfucking skiing this motherfucker.
since the day you were born
oso lovely
when i grow up, it's very necessary that my house has one of these... in the ground too.
s a t 08.14.04 | 11:40 pm
how i almost spewed today
i was half-drunk throughout most of today from going south of the border for $10 all you can drink until five am specials. but seriously, do you think three caterpillars or other small pede-like crawlers within inches of me within two days is a sign or what?
see for yourself.
i was laying on the trampoline when this crawled up to teera and i.
i sat at work tapping my pen against the notebook when this crawled across my paperwork. but here is the kicker and i'm not even fucking around...
i was eating a sandwich and saw this. it blends with the lettuce but by jove, it is not lettuce.
deli 4.0 near sdsu needs to change their name to deli suck.
for reals.
s a t 08.14.04 | 11:14 pm
these rocks are killing my buzz.
we laugh for hours we drive to far away places we do crazy things we like to shop we like trampolines and we like mexico. i giggled so much that i thought i was going to throw up. i was so high i felt like i was five again. my body feels tired and tells me i should get into bed but my head tells me to go out. it seems that i've been incredibly busy lately and not busy in a bad way but i never have a free moment to just get bored anymore... unless i'm at work, of course. i feel like i'm never at home anymore. that's not a bad thing either except that my family guilt trips me about it. if i'm not at work, i'm trying to cram a million and one things into this summer that is slowly approaching its end. i went to mexico last night. we got there after one am and got to our sleeping place after six am. for friday the 13th i probably had 13 drinks. and i was better about remembering things but not towards the end of the night. that part blurs together and i am told things that don't make sense. my clothes smell like mexico. i took two showers today to wash it off. and still, i am not the same. i like the way a night pieces itself together slowly. seeing an object or hearing some sound will trigger a memory rotted by substance. like how did i cut my hand or get man juice on my jeans or who is jeff buckley guy and how i tipped the bathroom lady with a midori sour and effren made my drinks and i called everyone baby and we cheered at the g-string contest and hot heather made out with a hot girl and we danced on a platform. it has been a good 24 hours.
t u e s 08.10.04 | 10:43 pm
i am excited to return to school. i think i just need to keep busier. when left to my own devices the only thing i can consistently turn to is vice. parties don't get old. drinking doesn't get old. drugs don't get old. i just get worse at taking care of myself. i need school to keep me busy and on my toes. today i went to lacma with my sister. i wish i could have taken pictures in the geometry exhibit. there was some rad stuff in there. i used to dislike modern art but now it's all i see and all i think about. art used to be some great, grand, revered practice and it was a real skill, a real talent. now it seems that everyone wants to think that they are in on art when really... who is? the renaissance. art was THE thing. make paintings look like boring photographs. boring. i yawned. in my classes they are all about saying some shit about the world. what is your message? just what are you trying to say? and sometimes, honestly, i think people just want to make something pretty and something purely for aesthetics and nothing more. sometimes you don't want to say anything. my sister wanted to see the tar pits so we went. she said she never got to go as a child and was scarred. i saw the who last night. it makes me sad that in the 70s there were these great, epic rock bands that everyone was in love with and they were THE thing and now everything is so dispersed. it is more rap and pop based and if you're not into that you're into trying to be underground and listening to bands that aren't on t-shirts and magazine covers and the worship of every mallrat. that's why people get angry when someone small gets big. when carson daly plugs it. when it is on kroq. how will we view the music of today if it won't be anything like the classic rock of the 70s? sometimes i wish i was born in another time. but everything repeats itself. people don't change. i know i can't. i'm in a funk. i need to get out of the country. how about mexico?
t u e s 08.10.04 | 10:14 pm
sometimes you don't want to say anything
you're knocked up.
the next morning, i woke up next to someone and could not remember a lot of things.
we went to look at houses. my vote goes to this one just for the address alone.
i went to reggae fest to enjoy the bunny wailer. we enjoyed the "great marijuana." you know, until we had flashlights in our faces.
i made out.
i talked to the cat. he loves me. a lot. mawr.
i drove around a lot. in four days i used a full tank of v-power gas.
the people that say L.A. is ugly don't know what they're talkin' about. the valley is especially hip.
