n e w
l e s s
m o r e
a r c h i v e
b o o k
m a i l
i m
gogogo
m r . t o n y p i e r c e
k i t t y b u k k a k e
t h e c o y o t e ' s b a r k
t a b a s c o g u y
d a n t h e g o o s e
m e l t i n g d o l l s
d i c e y
t h i s s e a s o n
s u m m e r 2 0 0 2
a u t u m m 2 0 0 2
w i n t e r 2 0 0 3
s p r i n g 2 0 0 3
s u m m e r 2 0 0 3
f a l l 2 0 0 3
w i n t e r 2 0 0 4
s p r i n g 2 0 0 4
s u m m e r 2 0 0 4
s u r f l i n e
[ y e e t y e e t @ g m a i l . c o m ]
love
mawr
m o n 07.19.04 | 1:36 pm
trip hop
i spent a lot of time in airports. i find airports fascinating. so many people going so many places and the occasional frisk. ooh.
i got on a big boat and we cruised around with my italian captain, giusseppe. i practiced some italian too. "come stai, oggi? di dove sei?"
when we got to jamaica, the weather was crazy. it was hot and humid and bob marley filled the air with rasta colors paving the streets.
my family likes to gamble a lot. i would rather just take a bag of money and go shopping but they would argue otherwise. if they were not in their rooms and not with me, they were in the casino rollin'. my sister won 2nd place in the slot tournament.
i went snorkeling in grand cayman a few times. i kissed a sting ray. they say it is good luck. sometimes it was pretty crowded.
i liked it when it was not.
we went to a turtle farm. my sister dacy picked one up. they say that on the turtle farm they are raised to be put back into the wild but me, personally, i think they are eaten far more than they are placed back into the wild. that makes me sad.
in cozumel, we rented some jeeps and drove around. we drove to the beach. we had good mexican food. i shopped for a mexican blanket.
it started to rain. the thunder rolled from miles away. we saw some mayan ruins.
we walked on a path closed in by steamy trees and small hot-blooded animals moving right next to us. we could not see them but i think they could see us.
my thirst was quenched by nothing less than the best, cristal.
my new mexican blanket looks like the one on this donkey's back. i wanted to say hi to the donkey but he walked away. i think he was avoiding me.
these guys were not.
this week i ate a lot of food. the cruise lifestyle advocates obesity. there is no doubt in my mind. comp room service. 24 hr buffet. 5 course meals three times a day. the obese girl inside me was doing a happy dance.
i think my parents think that i do drugs and drink a lot. i think it is just a phase i am going through. if teera was with me on this trip i think we would have gotten into lots of trouble. the good kind.
i had fun though. i went to the beach a lot. and it wasn't cold or dirty like california beaches.
to kill a few hours in florida we went on a air boat ride on the everglades. i like animals. even crocodiles and birds that can eat baby crocodiles.
i liked spending time with my sisters. we don't get to all see each other for extended periods of time like this often. and now that i am leaving the country i think i might miss them.
oh yeah, my parents too.
that's my family. they're pretty rad.
s u n 07.18.04 | 6:21 pm
the missing ingredients
i am home again. i did have a good time on this trip but there were times when i really did just want to be home, seeing the same people, doing the same things. it's strange how that works. i feel that i am turning into an older version of me. not older in the sense that i am wiser but older in the sense that i did not change. it's so awfully silly the things i get myself into, the problems i cause with other people, the way i react. it should really be more simple, this life. do what you like, avoid what you don't. then responsibility comes in and fucks it all up royally. many times i do wonder just what the hell am i doing with my life, with the people in it, with what little time i have on this great thing. these goddamn insecurities are binding me. if you are afraid as i am, you get nothing done. you're too afraid of what could happen. i need to just grow some thicker skin and man up. what really matters to me? stop throwing things away. stop trying to change people that won't change. it makes sense when i write it out but in my head there are nothing but clouds. i think i am capable of great things... helping people out, giving love and getting love, doing something with my life, "dispelling the misery of the world"... but i will never know if i can't just figure this out. i resolve to not complain, to not quit, to stop slacking, to care about things i should care about, to avoid the things that harm me, to take care of myself and the people i love, to not be so quick to judge, to just... i don't know. be alive and have a fucking heartbeat because honestly, lately, my old game plan has not been working out. changes (and better times) are ahead.
