w e d 07.07.04 | 8:43 pm
killer queen

"dude, it doesn't sound like you're getting punished to me. your mom gave you another cell phone and your dad took you to amoeba." my parents think that i'm doing hard drugs and hanging out with "the wrong crowd."

i just wanna blow this joint.

oh yeah, if you can shimmy up a box of wine and some joints to my window, i swear i will reward you a million times over. fuck. you don't even have to roll the joints, i'll roll the joints.

i guess i lucked out in some respects because soon i will be going on vacation with my family and hopefully that will smooth things over somewhat. in vague memory, i remember that i somehow always manage to fuck up royally right before i go on vacation. and somehow it gets mended by the time i return. magically. delicious. i can't wait for this to take effect.

in the mean time i will just pretend that i am working a lot of hours at work while tending to my own interests or god knows what. yeah, that's right. i'm bad. you can kill the revolutionary but you can't kill the muthafukkin revolution.

t u e s 07.06.04 | 5:27 pm
a virgin suicide

my mom overreacts with everything. i have been living at home for two weeks to save money this summer and i'm already done. i'm not sure if it is worth more to me at the moment to move out and lead a normal life or to work less days in the week and live at home with my foot chained to the floor. but what is the point of working less when you're not allowed to leave the house?

i'm twenty years old but by the way she talks to me you'd swear i was five.

like i can't take care of myself, like if she didn't make dinner for me and shove it down my throat i'd actually forget to eat... ever.

she actually sat me down at the table and sat there and told me last week one night that she would sit there and watch me eat everything on the plate to make sure i was eating. do i look like mary-kate to you? no thanks. she took my cell phone away. i'm not allow to receive calls, make calls, go out, stay in, the whole she-bang. i'm surprised i can even listen to music or write this entry or use my car to drive myself to work. there's always tomorrow. it could get progressively worse.

if you have ever read or seen the virgin suicides... you'd know what i mean. except at the end of that movie, all the oppressed daughters kill themselves after their crazed mother locks them in the house and cuts off their contact with the outside world.

great. i can't see the cure or ben harper. my mom thinks i do hard drugs. to get through a time like this, i wish i actually did. i need to get out of here.

she said she would cut off all my hair when she saw me look in the mirror to fix it. it's hard to translate the way she said it in harsh cantonese in which almost anything sounds offensive because of the sheer nature of the language but she yelled something to the effect of "oh you think you're so fucking pretty. i'll shave off all your hair and how pretty will you be then." she beat me with a shoe.

the thing that scares me the most is that everyone parents more or less like their own parents. and if anyone ever wondered where i got my hot head from you'd have to look no further than the mother. fucking. womb.

s u n 07.04.04 | 1:23 am
one smitten kitten am i

i have been listening to lots of elton john lately, old elton john, good elton john. i stole james brown from my dad. my frequent trips to amoeba only fuel my desire for more eclectic new and old music. some people spend their money on drugs... not me. i have a much more dangerous obsession. the compact disc.

you know, it's strange. i wasn't looking for someone. i wasn't waiting to meet anyone. if anything i was training myself to be alone for all eternity with the way my mental outset was regarding romantic relationships. and it happens. it happened. and i can't describe it. it's that new relationship smell equivalent to new car smell but bigger in magnitude and significance.

i remember myself saying something along the lines of "it's so much work meeting someone you actually like and getting to know them." and now look at what happened. everything is exciting and new. and after a year of so much meaningless conversation and vapid sex i actually am getting to know someone and taking everything slow and careful not to fuck it all up.

after a week or two of daily phone call and quick chance meetings on the lips we kissed our first real kiss.

i say this every year it seems... the fourth of july always creeps up on me. it should be fun. it seems that last night being my first night being able to drink after getting my wisdom tooth out and kicking it off with a bang of bong we will be banging and bonging for the fourth and maybe even the day after. hot cum bath plays tonight! cheers.

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