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mawr
t h u r s 06.03.04 | 10:11 pm
something strange is happening. you can feel it when you walk in the dark streets, black because i live by the ocean, black because no one wants the city's lights to interrupt the stars over the water. dark streets, whispers that start from the sea wind, footsteps echoing in between the snug, old houses up and down the long alleys. three nights this week something has happened and it is this streak that makes me wonder what will happen next and who it will happen to. will it happen to our house and when. a house a few houses down got robbed when the tenants were home. someone got punched. someone almost raped. guy across the street got his arm broken when chasing the guy chasing his girlfriend down an alley. the blood is on the concrete. there is glass lining the asphalt taken from cars driven by people taken away in stretchers. flashing colored lights make me nervous. but i am getting used to them. on another note, i just realized i love someone. it's strange. and here is the kicker, it is looking very likely that i will be studying abroad soon as long as i stay alive and well and my grades keep going and i finish my paperwork for my student visa. i am looking forward to having an adventure away from everything and everyone i know. i will enjoy kissing america goodbye and its stupid military draft.
t u e s 06.01.04 | 4:33 pm
it is about give and take. i am increasingly more absent-minded by each passing day. it begins with small things. where are my keys? where is my cell phone? what did i have to do today? why is today important? why did i come here? i took today to play catch-up. it involved some intensive detective work but i think i am in order. spring quarter is always running slow. i like to keep busy but sometimes i just need a week to get everything out of my system. drink every day of the week... and i do mean day, not while it's dark. learn new songs. read more books. make new things. make the art i have been dreaming about. surround myself with things i love, things that inspire me. heal old wounds, don't salt them. people surprise me often. like my neighbor that cooks for me in the middle of the night or carries my things to my apartment from my car for me. the people i remember from high school that i saw this weekend. new friends. old friends. it is all surprising. always new. starts fresh every day. and isn't it amazing when it turns out good, when it makes your heart beat fast and your fingers tense when you think fast thoughts. and isn't it sad when you get busy and aren't sure whether or not you can pull through one last time. when your pride sucks you under and you're not sure anymore. you want what is good, what feels good. you avoid what doesn't. and isn't it sad how that works. people go separate ways. i don't deny that. i've seen it happen. people write books about it, write songs about it, make art about it. it makes hearts break, it makes people break. but everything works out eventually. it just does. i'm not worried. i'm ready when i'm ready. and i'm ready for lots of things but not everything just yet.
it doesn't keep her up at night
lives that were over before they were spent
