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s a t 03.27.04 | 4:34 pm
that shit i used to say about me never knowing what being hungover was like because "i don't get hangovers" is coming back to haunt me. stupid. now every time i wake up i get a headache and my tummy feels full and queasy. what happened to my tolerance? i was tired and about to call it a night on friday when teera said she was lonely and didn't want to go to 15 keg kegger alone. so i got in my car and drove to san diego from btown. it took me two hours but i was there after eleven. little bird told her that kegs were tapped. so little teera told me "i'm taking you to mexico." i like adventures. but going to mexico after midnight with just one other girl and not very much money at all... is scary at times. the night is kind of a blur but all i know is nothing bad happened and i'm glad we met good people to run around with that took care of us and we took care of them too. i told the stripper she was hot as i gave her a dollar and then teera slapped her ass. really hard. it made a loud sound and i couldn't stop laughing. a boy from georgia tried to give me a lap dance and i was like yeah no thanks. pass. i remember strippers. guys with whistles. bananas in mouths. mary in the bathroom. and a boy smashing my beer to the ground and glass being everywhere. we left mexico at seven am and we still didn't get to go to the farmacia so you know we're going back later. you just know. adventures are fun and educational. modest mouse tonight. it's hard to contain my complete joy.
f r i 03.26.04 | 5:02 pm
i don't need to see i don't see how you see out of your window i don't need to see i'll paint mine black. i'm overly excited to see modest mouse. again, they are also getting big. but i'm over the concept of NO THEY'RE MY BAND AND I DON'T WANT TO SHARE because in the end, if it's damn good. more people will appreciate and nobody cares if you knew them before they were big. does it make you any cooler? not really. well, just a tiny bit. i kid, i kid. bands need money so go ahead and do what you have to do. that goes for everyone. i just hate stupid fans. they ruin the shows for me. i hate kroq and mtv because they just milk everything that is good and throw it with the linkin parks of the world like it belongs in the same bin. no, it doesn't. stop ruining it. i'm going alone. i guess i was supposed to go with some guys but who knows with them. i hate it when you have friends that aren't really your friends. they're around sometimes and not around others and you never know when you can count on them or if you even really want to hang out. what's the point, right. cut. you. off. right. now. i don't need excess in my life. all i need is what feels good and people that make me feel good that actually care about me. more of that. less of excess. i like getting to know new people but at the same time, it's terribly frightening. especially boys. i love this picture of teera. more teera surprise, please!
w e d 03.24.04 | 11:11 pm
it didn't hurt as much as people make you think. then again, i was getting it over a layer of fat. maybe that is the way to go. i like it dearly. and no one has to see it unless i really let them. i had fun today. like i said, i've been celebrating my birthday since about five days ago. sweet deal. and tomorrow i'm going to celebrate again by shopping. there is nothing like retail to make you feel better. unless you are working the retail in which case... you kinda just want to die because everyone walks all over you and you sold your soul to consumerism. but anyway... secretly i want someone that's nice and treats me right but that's hardly the message i send and never what i get. i don't usually feel like i can trust anyone. especially when it seems like all they want from you is to get in your pants... or up your skirt.
sometimes you just have to walk into it with the mindset: one night is all it is. i know this. don't get involved. i wasn't expecting the world. not even a call. but sometimes i just want more than that. so i keep my eyes open and i don't wait for anything i just keep them open. demetra says i'm worth so much more than i think, that i deserve more than what they give me. and that is why i love her. i hope i see her soon. i love her. she makes me happy. i like it when people see more in you than you can see in yourself.
i love my friends. and i love johnny for singing and dancing happy birthday 'cause he is the cutest server ever. i love gabe 'cause he's awesome. thanks to shanny, diane, kat, and char for getting me the raddest fucking birthday present yet. i love it.
t u e s 03.23.04 | 7:32 pm
sexy 20 is my new favorite phrase right now. well, today anyway, mmm, maybe for the next year. thank god for demetra's vife for thinking it up. you may not be a teen anymore. you may not be 21. but hey, you're sexy 20. and doesn't it just sound hot?
we're going down the road to tiny cities made of ashes
i don't need to see
the day i got my first tattoo
the day i turned sexy 20
i dressed up today and people probably thought i was weird going to my italian final (cake, by the way. only time i studied was while driving to school) in a strapless dress with a flower in my hair and even in my pearls. but you know what? i don't care. it's my birthday. i'm sexy 20 and there's nothing you can do 'bout it.
i think i'm getting a tattoo tomorrow. shit, i'm so fucking gangsta when i'm sexy 20. this has probably been my favorite birthday... ever (and it's still not over.)
