s a t 12.06.03 | 3:19 pm
please pick up your skirt and grab your balls.

it isn't that things have gotten simpler. it isn't that things are going just the way i like them. it is that i got too much of what i wanted at once. and when the good things flood you you can't appreciate them and they often conflict with each other.

so i drank. and i smoked. and the beer bong got made. all in all i think it was a success. i always have fun though. but that's what matters. a lot of people came that i wasn't expecting and there is now vomit in our hall closet.

but hey, that is the price you have to pay.

i got some nasty voicemails from musician guy. i didn't think he liked me. i didn't think he would come. but what i didn't realize was what hurt him and that wasn't what i wanted.

i don't want to break any hearts. it just happens. you break hearts and then you get yours broken and then you start over again. there was no spark as much as i liked to believe that there was. there wasn't anything. but i hurt his feelings.

i feel sorry but he hurt me earlier on and he is fucking confusing. i'm through with drama, thank you. even though i caused some last night i really didn't mean to. is kissing mountain man on my porch a sin? it is if musician guy sees and gets angry.

the mountainous one called me just now and i think i'll see him tonight. i know this is bad timing to start the beginning of something but we all know i have no self-discipline here. it's no secret. i'm just curious about the one that pulls off a beard so well that drinks mountain water that wants to get to know me that kills me with fast, short, little kisses all over.

t h u r s 12.04.03 | 11:44 pm
let me see you smile.

so tomorrow i am having a thing of sorts at my house. it is for drink. it is for fun. it is a clever ploy to get a lot of people in my apartment at once and hopefully they will have a good time and get some.

that is the plan anyway.

i hurt. i was at school all day today and my boss asked me to come in tonight til 11 to stock. i got to wear my own clothes and not have to deal with customers. score. but there is some guy.

i don't mind flirting but sometimes i just don't want so much attention and so much of the boyish picking on me like we're in the fucking third grade. yeah. no. i'm not interested in him. i am interested in mountain man.

i just like a little friendly conversation after class and smiles from across the room when we are in class. but not when you have a girlfriend. yeah. no thanks. no more of that. part of me does not want mountain man to come. but that is a very small part of me. the rest is saying yes. i am trying not to think of anyone else but myself and myself wants to get into bed right this minute.

i'm so tired. my ass is gonna study like no fucking tomorrow this weekend. mark my words.

t h u r s 12.04.03 | 12:52 am
oh kitty kitty if only it was so easy.

"he needs to think with his brain and not his dick. i don't think he is the best guy for you." demetra is right. she loves me and looks after me. i love her and look after her. in these rough times, all we have are each other's hands to hold.

and that is more than good enough for me. a boy will only stick around for so long but i think demetra will be around forever. forever. i love my friends so much. i don't know what i would do without them.

i am over the surfer musician type phase. one is enough for me and that one was so sweet it makes me ache. but one night was enough. any more and i think my mind and body would overdose on goodness. too much of a good thing is death.

i think there are boys that like me but i'm not attracted to them. strangely enough i am only attracted to the ones that have no interest in me at all. they treat me like nothing and if somehow we were in a relationship i am sure they would treat me like shit.

this can't be healthy. i'm no homewrecker. i don't really think i'm worth leaving someone else for either. but whatever happens happens and the trouble only begins when the people show up that i don't expect to show up on happy friday aka drinking night at my house.

here comes trouble.

w e d 12.03.03 | 12:31 am
don't expect much and you won't hurt much

i'm really fucking stressed out. i feel like i have to learn a quarter's worth of material for both chemistry and calculus in less than a week. so basically i'm fucked. i'm about to lock myself in my room and not come out.

the toilet overflowed today and made a big wet mess in our bathroom. for a few seconds we all panicked and as the water was spilling out all over the floor we were yelling and didn't know what to do so scarlett called her mom.

but now we know. and that's good.

i did more retail therapy today. get me near any place of retail and i can do some damage. almost any. really.

i must teach myself not to get crushes on people that i cannot have. i think i have issues and believe that it is impossible for anyone to like me back. i tell scarlett the facts and she tells me that she thinks they like me. but i don't think so. time to study.

m o n 12.01.03 | 4:47 pm
the cat's pajamas

the kitty got really mean last night. she kept attacking me. i think robert taught her super extreme attack mode while i was at work and he was alone with kitty. i think she was trying to play but at three am when i was trying to send my application or put together my portfolio i really was not in the mood for it.

no kitty bad kitty no stop!

today i got some retail therapy done. i don't know but sometimes i just wake up in the morning and feel like shit. the one thing that does not ever fail me is retail therapy. led zeppelin bbc live double cd: check. sparta cd: check. cute shirt: check. mini skirt: check. and that was it. it took me like 20 minutes but by the time i walked out of those two stores i was fuckin set for the day.

no need to nap even after only four hours of sleep last night. i came home refreshed and i also cleaned the house. umm. yeah. where is the real tiffany and what have you done with her? these are the questions that people should be asking.

today i am going to start and finish my painting final. i'm excited... but more scared.

m o n 12.01.03 | 1:45 am
i can't fucking sleep.

so basically... robby visited me and we shopped for and purchased a bubbler for me... my first piece ever! and then we smoked and went mini golfing and other than that i will probably not remember lots of this weekend. not for any reason other than there wasn't much of it when we weren't sleeping or hell, i was even not at work.

we are so weird.



no, we're fucking awesome.



"this feels like high school." "why? oh. because we haven't hung out since high school really." "well, yeah. only a handful of times out of the year. if that counts." "sure."

s u n 11.30.03 | 10:30 pm
we are sad.

so it's sunday night and i've been at my apartment or working most of this so-called HOLIDAY WEEKEND. no such thing as holiday. for me anyway. i worked every day this weekend besides thursday and after i work all i want to do is sleep. not play with kitty. not even be conscious to talk to robert.

robert visited me this weekend and i am not sure if he had a good time. i was either at work or sleeping most of the time. i'm no good at hosting. honestly.

i was working in hardware today when i look up and see my dad crossing the store and i say "DAD!" and he says "SURPRISE!" and my parents drove down from the valley to take me to dinner. and they are awesome and i love them. yes. that is all.

teera drove up to see arty with me but he did not play. he was ill. and we felt like weird groupies and we were sad that there was no flynnage. so we ate donuts from seaside donuts on tower 19 on the beach and when we got cold we came back to my apartment to take "sad face" pictures. i love my teera. if i didn't have her i think i would be double sad face.

now it is time for me to apply to transfer and also compose a portfolio to get into advanced poetry next quarter. wow! i'm not going to sleep much tonight. and right now everything kinda blows... especially the lack of music action that teera and i were expecting. oh well. that is my the slogan of my life. oh well.

l e s s | m o r e