f r i d a y 10.24.03 | 3:14 pm
happy friday

so i just found out that i have a job until at least january. i will be getting more than minimum wage and i will start on sunday. i work at fashion island, the frou-frou-est of malls in the frou-frou-est of cities, newport beach.

i think it's pretty rad for me.

i could really use the extra money and i waste too much time napping at the beach or doing silly things. now i can get busy-like and be busy and the like.

i'm excited. not a bad deal. not at all. come visit me.

so i'm getting ready to trek back to burbank but waiting for the traffic to die so i'm not sitting in the midst of it, muddling. i hate traffic. i hate muddling. i love getting to do new things.

time to pack up and clean up but i'll be back soon. things really are going good. i'm happy.

w e d n e s d a y 10.22.03 | 9:10 pm
"gonna spend the day higher than life."

i never got to see elliott smith live but i heard he was great. he died yesterday from a self-inflicted stab wound to the chest. he is definitely near the top... maybe even at the top of my list of favorite artists. i was planning on going to all tomorrow's parties to see him november 9th. but... oh well, okay.

i didn't know why everyone placed so much worth on celebrities when normal people are dying every day but i guess this is comparable to rudolph valentino passing or some such person... for me anyway.

it makes me sad.

the best songs with the honest, darkest lyrics with perfect melodies that make my heart just crack. his music just suits my mood so perfectly so much of the time.

that sounds depressing. but it isn't. can't explain it. no words do it justice. but now when i listen to the songs they sound much sadder than they used to.

w e d n e s d a y 10.22.03 | 5:19 pm
your day breaks, your mind aches

i am completely exhausted today. i think sleep debt is catching up to me. i will work it off this weekend when i drive home to b-town to spend time with my family and two of my girlfriends. two of them. at once. two chicks at the same time.

today i ate lunch on the beach. the weather is really nice this week. i decided that one night (at least) i am going to get a sleeping bag and go sleep on the beach so i can fall asleep to the sight of stars and wake up to the sound of waves... i hope. well, i mean, i hope i don't wake up to the sound of seagulls because big birds creep me out.

i am proud of myself for getting things done. i say i will do something because i want to, and then i actually do it. it makes sense but this concept is fairly new to me in the school respect or the social respect.

i even studied today with my new friend. he said his keg is coming tomorrow. i heard those words and it was like magic. next weekend is halloween weekend and that means... santa barbara boys. they better watch out, i'm coming to clean house.

surprise! i'm coming!

i think i am more comfortable around clutter because it makes things much more cozy. who wants it to be sterile and so clean there isn't even a speck of dust... well, not me. i only clean when absolutely necessary or when someone i am trying to impress is coming over. or after we've had a big party. ooh, which reminds me. we haven't had a happy friday in a while. it is time. i am thinking... november so we can give thanks.

today is tony pierce's birthday. if our ages weren't so far apart i think i would date him if he would date me.

t u e s d a y 10.21.03 | 7:29 pm
i'll be drinking irish tonight

if i still lived in the valley (like, totally) i would probably be miffed by the autumn heat. instead, i live at the beach and there is always that nice beach smell on me and that ocean sticky sandy feeling on me. i'd like to go somewhere that has seasons. it snows in italy in some parts north of rome.

i bet it's pretty.

today i painted my best painting yet. it is a still life and i fucked up in some spots but honestly, i'm really proud of the long way i've come in just a couple weeks.

today i talked to my italian teacher for an hour about italy. she's so nice. i love it when i find a nice person to talk to. it gives me hope. and i've found lots lately. i don't know how or why, they just keep coming left and right. they flock like sheep.

i want to go to florence with her this summer. if i get a job i think i will.

i met a boy in my painting class. he reminds me of a pirate with his scruffy hair and growing beard. i just want to hear him say "yo ho" even just once.

i people watch so much.

some boy in my calculus class got my number today to study with me. "study" or study? i'm not sure which he meant but he's an interesting boy. as jenni might say... his features are robert-esque. i would say "hmm."

it's funny how the same people and the same things go in and out of your life. everything is a copy of a copy of a copy when all you want is the original.

m o n d a y 10.20.03 | 11:39 pm
dreaming of countries, seeing through paintings

this statue is in st. peter's in rome. you rub the feet for good luck or some wish or something. the statue has been rubbed smooth and all details lost.

i dream of countries shaped like boots and blue waters in hot weather. if i had a digital camera i would show you what i just painted. i had a painting assignment to do. the subject matter was completely up to me. so my choice, naturally, was italy. it's in my head lately and it's all i can think about.

it's really abstract and intense and i like it. but maybe it's just me. and if it is, that's fine.

i wonder if i am so anxious to get out of the country because i am running away from something/someone or... just what am i so anxious for. because i know it's going to be amazing and i'm afraid i may never come back. i like adventures and this could be my biggest one yet.

tonight i cooked chicken picatta with my sister. it is the first real thing i have ever cooked that required actual... cooking and a recipe and multiple pots or pans. cooking is fun and all the food network i've watched is paying off. well slap a chef hat on my head and call me chef. i'll be damned.

today i had an interview at restoration hardware and i just want to go on the record and say that i so want to work there. i think the interview went well unless the lady is just very deceiving. she told me nice things and she even bought me coffee. now those are some good people.

the people at rampage are not so good people. so when i came home and found a message from a lady at rampage my immediate reaction was "fuck you, bi-otch. i'm not working for you, satan incarnate. burn."

that sums it up. yup. things are starting to get really exciting and hectic and crazy in my life. i'm not scared, stressed, or overwhelmed. i know that it will be fine.

how do i know? i just think it will.

s u n d a y 10.19.03 | 1:33 pm
it is a myth, it is all lies.

after a long hard day of shopping with teera at neiman marcus at the fashion island and getting myself an interview at restoration hardware... we ventured to san diego state. the part about it being a party school is a lie! when someone tells you there is a kegger with a band, they could be totally lying to you! it's a shame.

but by the next morning we were back in o.c. and at the real world / road rules casting call because we're random like that. we weren't expecting to have anything come of it, we just wanted to see what it was like and who they actually pick to make an interesting show. no one in my group interview was really show worthy. i mean, besides me. ha.

teera and i were hungry so we decided to eat fried chicken-- aka our kryptonite. we took a nap on the beach and watched the sunset. if i we were lesbians you would think we were dating. but together we are an unstoppable double threat asian girl duo that even meet guys at trader joe's. "so what are your names?... are you sisters?"

"no, we're brothers."

teera and i are grandmas. we stayed in and watched tv. i tucked her in and when we woke up she took me grocery shopping where i spent lots of money because i haven't gone shopping in three weeks.

beautiful, i just want you to know you're my favorite girl!

now that i am alone in my apartment again, i only have an enormous amount of homework to do today and a chemistry midterm tomorrow. that's a blow to my crotch.

s u n d a y 10.19.03 | 1:05 pm
i must confess, i made a mess

yes, my desk really looks like that. actually, it's much worse and no, i don't plan on cleaning it off. i just do my homework on my bed so when i'm done i push it off the edge and roll right over for a nap-nap.

it's been a really long adventure since i last posted. i need to constantly write things down or else i will forget them completely.

on thursday i had my asshole day, the one that lasts until six pm. so i went home to my bustling beach apartment and did homework like a good girl and get prettied up to go to a frat party like a good girl. i went with sue and teera came up and i drove to l.a. for a little coconut schooner action. action action! in a line for an hour and a half and no frat brothers are coming out to rescue us and sneak us in until poof, there comes doche.

"this is an operation," he says. i can tell he's been drinking and smoking. and when it's already past midnight, i wish i had been too.

get in. hi strangers. hi girls from high school and previous that give me hugs and say "we should hang out!" why is there no beer left? not even natural ice? okay, give me all the not empty cans. i can drink them all. done!

downstairs to dance. and i am a magnet for sleazy skeezy nasty guys that get all up in my face and push me against a wall and tell me not to be skurrred. "don't be skurrrred, little girl. why don't you want to dance with me?"

"because i don't fucking want to." and he doesn't back off until sue pushes him and says "hey, why don't you fucking back off!" and he walks away. sue is my pepper spray for nasty guys that don't listen to me.

all in all it was a good time had at ucla minus the not having enough to drink and the nasty guys that even followed us to our car like three blocks away. no thank you. NEXT.

the only ones i liked were the british one, the tall one in the pink suit and the one carrying in his own bottle of wine.

i drove back to newport beach, i went to bed and four hours later i was in class friday morning. boo ya. it can be done.

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