s a t u r d a y 10.04.03 | 6:07 pm
jump on it.

i passed the motherfuck out at seven a.m. this morning after a long, strange, oddly satisfying night. and now i can finally say that i swam naked in the october ocean! (because that was always a priority.)

i saw a lot of good people last night. it seems that the same crowd of kids roll to my apartment. it is becoming a habit. a tradition, if you will.

but officer ross does not approve. officer ross scared the shit out of me and killed my buzz madly when he appeared in the doorway and lectured me. i wanted to run away. but no ticket, no jail, no shit. the fucking neighbors. as jared said, "PAYBACK IS A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, MUTHAFUKKAH!"

i met new people. i watched shooting stars with my true love, demetra. i had costco size alcohol flooding the fridge and freezer. i got some.

hallelujah.

denny's at five am is fun but not when the waiter leaves his number. denny's is no harry's. the beach at all hours of the night is fun. you can actually see the stars and see the phosphorus glowing in the waves. smoking cigars at sunrise. smoking half a pack of cigarettes.

boys are fun except when one minute they are trying to get all up in your business and the next you are in freezing cold ocean and you know what that does, don't you? and the next minute they are all up on you again and the next they are passed out.

there is a posse of wild and crazy drunken females. newport girls... gone wild. they are blunt. they like to drink. they like make-up. they want sex and are not afraid of making new friends, in the alley or on the street and taking them out for walks on the beach.

the best quote of the night: "oh look there's a dick. let me jump on it!"

t h u r s d a y 10.02.03 | 12:05 am
my heart belongs to daddy

that is what my shirt says today. i love this shirt. everyone always sees it and has to read it aloud. then they think it's cute. then they think i'm "awww."

italian is my favorite class this quarter. i suppose basic painting might pick up runner-up. then chemistry because as much as i hate to admit it, i like it. calculus comes in dead last. i can't understand my professor. sometimes it is like he is speaking in another language.

just kidding. it's english.

i thought i would go to my section and my TA would really clarify things... you know, everything i couldn't understand in class. i was wrong. the section leader makes my professor crystal fucking clear. when she says f of x she really is saying "eck ah eckh." and no, i'm not exaggerating.

i fear this quarter.

but good news. i have class in a few hours but... today is thursday. and yes... tomorrow is friday. and yes, friday means drinks at my house.

to keep myself (and everyone we know)motivated we have implemented the happy friday system. there needs to be rewards. there needs to be a way to take the edge off a hectic week. it's called happy friday.

i live at the beach. i need to take advantage of... myself.

a domani. i think i want to go to rome for spring break. i heard of a deal on airfare. i doubt my parents would approve of me going to rome by myself but i think it would be perfect.

sometimes a girl just needs to leave the country. i've been doing it every summer for most of my life now. i'm grateful.

t u e s d a y 09.30.03 | 5:58 pm
things get worse before they can get better

i keep thinking that today is wednesday. and secretly i wish that it was. i did not start off the day very well. right now things are fine. they are static. they are good.

i like listening to the donnnie darko score late at night all alone. so i keep doing it. then i fall into my small bed by myself and watch trading spaces or food network until it puts me to sleep.

today was my sleep-in day. i didn't have italian until 11. so i got to school by 10:20 thinking i would get to class on time today. if not any other day, today.

no parking. next lot. no parking. 10 more lots all around campus thinking i would just park anywhere and cross campus by foot later, i gave up at 11:40 (40 minutes after my class started) and drove back to my apartment thoroughly pissed off.

when you pay $300 for a parking permit, you expect to park. is this not logic? maybe it is just the first week of class and that is why everyone is actually going to classes. i'm hoping the craziness will fade off like some good scent.

i didn't go to the beach today. the weather is getting colder. maybe i'm just getting older.

t u e s d a y 09.29.03 | 10:33 pm
fluffy white kitty got fangs like this

so this is what being in school is like. so this is what living in an apartment is like.

i don't know how to cook. eating each meal is like some major (sometimes difficult) task. it's hard trying to be healthy. i don't get enough fruits and vegetables.

the other night i had chips and salsa for dinner. and a handful of cookies.

i've been eating a lot of carrots and drinking a lot of water. usually i am pretty happy with the way my body is. lately i just feel gross.

today i walked down to the beach to take a nap and read my italian book. sometimes there is an enormous cloud engulfing everything as far as you can see in any direction. but far out in the muddy waves of the sea, where a few birds are flying, the light peeks through the clouds and it looks like some watercolored canvas.

sometimes there are things that are so beautiful and for a minute, everything feels right in the world. even if in the next minute things fall apart.

every time i hear his name it is like nails dragging on a chalkboard in my chest, beating mad like some red hot hammer that knocks the air out. sometimes i want to call and i want to tell him some deep dark dirty secret but i am afraid. and it is fear that keeps me out of trouble. i won't let myself find him. if he finds me that is an entirely different story.

my digital camera is broken and even though i took it apart completely and used canned air to get any dust or sand grains out... it still doesn't work.

if i were an animal i would like to be a kitty, laying in the windowsill taking a nap, purring, snuggling, cuddling.

someday i am going to buy a fluffy, white kitty like the one in the fancy feast commercial. i am going to ring the dinner bell and feed it out of a crystal cup and it will come running, also, like the one in the commercial, and the white fur will be bouncing everywhere

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