f r i d a y 09.26.03 | 10:13 pm
i dropped a computer on my foot.

that sounds like the punch line of some not-so-funny joke. but really. it's not funny to me... or my iced, swollen foot.

i've been having a bad day. week? eh. i mean everything has its high points and low points but today tears were shed.. right after the computer hit my whole foot at considerable velocity. i fell back over in pain with nothing but owwww falling from my lips.

there are a handful of other pesky things that went wrong. but i am a believer that lots of things happen but you can take it any way you want. i am in a lot more control than i once thought i was. i can make or break my mood, make the situation dreamy or nightmare-esque.

my friend called me to remind me that radiohead was playing at hollywood bowl. and it makes me sad that i can't be there. not having money can be a bummer. there are lots of things to miss out on.

but today i got an application. waitress at a sushi bar/restaurant? i can.

so i put on my pajamas, put OK COMPUTER on the stereo at high volume and i don't care that it's friday night and i'm in my apartment alone. i really don't. i'm just glad this day is over.

t h u r s d a y 09.25.03 | 7:10 pm
i.v. is dirty.. and fun. you're dirty... and fun.

"is that vomit on the carpet?" "i swear it wasn't me," i said. and then i quickly thought to myself...well, even if it was me i wouldn't remember since i can't recall anything after a certain hour and soon after that i passed out... and god knows what happened after that.

i swear it wasn't me.

i want to be like beyonce because she gets to roll around in the sand with baby oil all over her AND bellydance AND have heavy eye makeup AND breathe all heavy with a fan blowing her hair all over the place.

that is the life, girlfriend. work it.

so tomorrow is my first day of school. i just remember when i was in kindergarten or going into 6th grade or ninth grade or any other year everything just seemed so much more exciting. you wanted to dress cute, be smart and organized, and do everything you wanted.

the first day is like this second chance at getting your new year's resolution down.

i just want to get good grades, which i think i am capable of. and i also told shannon i secretly want to have a fling with a classmate. but knowing me, i'll throw away all the good opportunities.

not this year, baby.

t h u r s d a y 09.25.03 | 1:15 am
wouldn't it be grand

if i didn't start school on friday? well, i suppose if i had to pick to start school on any day of the week, (you know, if i had to) i suppose i would choose friday. it's ideal because i get one day and then a weekend. it takes the pressure off. it's like my first day of school is only a test run. that is why i fully endorse frat party thursday.

no worries, friend. i got it all under control.

tonight i watched anything else because it seems like all the hip people know woody allen movies. i don't know much of his work, sadly. oh well. anyway, it seemed like some attempt to attract the younger crowd because jason biggs has been in... hmm, three american pie movies. christina ricci, i love. she's so cute. i have a crush on her.

tomorrow is my last day of summer. i plan to spend it sleeping in, eating, and surfing.

i find myself watching tv before i fall asleep each night. it's comforting to have it on while i fall asleep instead of dead quiet and darkness. i guess when i am sleeping alone, it comforts me to have "someone" there. last night i watched food network because they are great and don't have infomercials until later in the morning, but after i usually fall asleep. i watched a special on a crawfish festival in lousiana.

i woke up and wanted to eat cajun food. i don't cook, let me warn you. but i love watching people cook and i would like to learn someday.

when my dad retires he says he's going to enroll in culinary school. my dad is the greatest. it worries me that i don't know what's going on at home. my mom doesn't like telling us about problems in the family if we are busy at school or work.

she doesn't want to distract us.

sometimes i wonder if someone died (god forbid) how long she would wait to tell me.

w e d n e s d a y 09.24.03 | 12:30 am
take it easy, girl.

the weather has been shitty here at the beach. when i drove back to the valley on sunday it was burning hot. i was fine here wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans. valley weather was more of a skimpy shirt and short skirt sort of deal, if measuring in clothing terms.

there are certain things that take some getting used to.

there are lots of things, actually.

tonight i watched lost in translation because it was something to do and it looked interesting.

even the tiredest tiffany can brave the cold beachy night for a little movie watching. i like japan. i like the virgin suicides. i like the godfather. i liked it.

i'm excited because there is a movie coming out about sylvia plath. jamie once told me she killed herself by walking into the ocean until she drowned. i wonder if that's true.

sometimes i wonder about how the world is constantly changing around me, the people are constantly changing around me, and just what the fuck am i doing? my throat hurts. my tummy hurts. and the inevitability of feeling like the loneliest girl in all the world is approaching faster than i'd like.

m o n d a y 09.22.03 | 11:53 pm
i haven't been eating much lately. sleeping well either.

i'm a little tired and all alone in my apartment listening to the style network behind me and chatting with teera. is this the life or what?

teera and i want to start a t-shirt line of party shirts. it seems like all my recent aspirations involve starting some sort of line. party line. purse line. accessories line. cut up shirt line.

i've been having strange, vivid dreams lately. when i wake up i feel so sad that they aren't true. they feel so real. i just want them to stop. my sleeping life makes me feel sad about my waking life.

mostly because i see the same person every time i fall asleep lately. and it's comforting. and natural. and actually good. makes me miss someone i tried to teach myself not to miss. tried. failing miserably.

i think the problem is that i haven't gotten new ass in a while. my girlfriend agrees that this is the problem. so we are going to tijuana and i am going to lie and say "HELLO I'M TIFFANY IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!" something like that.

when you get something new, it's a lot easier to forget the old. not that i want to totally throw away the old because it's obvious my heart doesn't. i just need to put it away until.. some day the old will hunt me down and find me again if i move up north, if i move out of the country and some day decide to find my way back.

maybe. sometimes i wonder when you get so comfortable with one person can you really ever take yourself back completely when it feels so familiar... i can't.

m o n d a y 09.22.03 | 6:21 pm
santa barbara cookies

"so we drove all the way to santa barbara and the best thing we got was a cookie cup from mrs. field's?" yes, this is true.

and to see boys that we didn't even end up seeing. but that is the reason that no one wants to admit.

i'm at my apartment all by myself. it's a cold day in newport. and a lonely one at that. not that i'm feeling down... just a little yucky. i constantly feel full and don't really want to eat anything. at this rate, i could go down to model size. could. if i wanted to.

i'm sad that school starts this friday. that is, sad until i decided that i wanted to go to tj this weekend to celebrate the first day of school. sad until teera decided it was a good idea. sad no longer!

there are a few things on my list of priorities. 1) dance my ass off. 2) look cute. 3) all you can drink. 4) find boy and have fling.

all this can be taken care of in mexico and maybe not even in that particular order. rinse, repeat, whatever it takes.

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