f r i d a y 09.12.03 | 6:11 pm
let's get lost together, fall down forever, forget you (never)

do you adore my poetic mood? because i adore you times infinity.

and i adore moving away tomorrow. i thought this day would never come! but alas, i kiss burbank goodbye one more sweet time. mwuah! kissy face! i'm not sure when i will get the chance to hook up zee old internet. so this is goodbye, for now.

but there is something i wrote on a plane ride over the big oceans that i just found the other day, cleaning and packing and assessing priorities:

do you miss my ribbons and bows
the way i seep right through the floor
i'll put up a show for you
i'll bend like you want me to
my heart will break when you are through
do you think of the night's empty street
the kinds that almost bleed to drive over
hold me tighter til i die trying to sleep.

i liked it then. and after waking up this morning dreaming of arms and kisses and surprises with the words "i'll stay one more week for you," it made me sad. sad in the way i've never felt because it just feels so wrong to want something you know you shouldn't want.

but that's enough of that. heart for me. heart for you. and if you need mine, i'd let you borrow if you let me have a kiss.

t h u r s d a y 09.11.03 | 11:07 am
i'm thinking about jenni.

my girlfriend, jenni, turns 19 today. she lives in san francisco. she doesn't know that many people up there and gets lonely. it sucks to have a birthday on this day because nobody feels like celebrating anyway. it's supposed to be somber. it's supposed to be about something so much bigger than a shy girl's birthday.

and wait, you are supposed to wear the right colors today too.

but since she is one of the best girls ever i didn't forget. i hope her birthday package arrives today. i know it will rock her socks right off. OFF.

is there really anything appropriate to say today that isn't cheesy and hasn't been said before? i'm sure there are plenty of inappropriate things i would probably end up saying because i'm not always careful with the thinking before the speaking.

so have a nice day. i'll quit while i'm ahead. or... more ahead than i would have been. there's so much to talk about and still, so much i want to forget.

t u e s d a y 09.09.03 | 8:56 pm
the mercedes that whispered "i love you"

so i just had to show you how beautiful this car was that i parked next to when i went to target. (i love target. so much that i pronounce it targét, as if it was french.)

it was so pretty that i wanted to eat whipped cream and cherries off it, buy it flowers, take it out to dinner, the whole muthafukkin' nine yards. this is true. the car had me at "allo."

i'm off to pack and i'm not stopping til i fill four boxes... this could take a while.

t u e s d a y 09.09.03 | 8:18 pm
i got a man, he makes me wanna kill.

whose hands are these? i give you two guesses and a cookie if you get it right.

i felt cranky today and i don't get why. i mean, the weather was great. i went to target. i had lunch with my parents. i found out i am part of a promotional thing and i get free shoes and money. i mean, how do i lose here? just what is my problem?

the past few days have been great. where is the cause for complaint? (shhhh. there is none.)

open hearts are a dangerous thing to have. it's strange how i can try to fix up everything real tidy, real nice and perfect, and just when i'm not expecting it and i actually forgot about it, someone comes on in to shake everything up.

i envision my life encased in a snowglobe and he is one of the few people that is big enough to pick it all up and make it snow, as often or as rarely as he likes.

i'm moving on saturday. my life is all about tying up loose ends and putting my entire life into as many boxes as it takes. there's something really sweet about moving to the beach. it's like christmas eve when i was 7 all over again.

m o n d a y 09.08.03 | 1:25 pm
sunday in zeroes and ones

i woke up at five am on sunday morning and i went to bed just three hours before that. this is because i had to drive down to oc for a garage sale. i've always wanted to have a garage sale but i never had the chance. this was my big break, thanks to my sister who is moving next weekend on the same day as me. she has a whole house of things, i am but one person.

the sky looked like this. it was so pretty. i love waking up so early that the skies are still full of stars and it's so quiet and empty on the street. it's so poetic that it hurts.

the 7-11 looks like this as it goes whizzing by. whoooosh. there were no cars out at all, and this is why it is safe to take pictures while driving. that is the beauty of it.

i look like this. no coffee, no breakfast, no makeup, not enough sleep.

i watched the sky get lighter and lighter, and forty minutes later i was in oc, ready to sell my goods.

i drew on this sign. but nobody bought the sign like i was hoping they would. i was only gonna ask for $1.

my sister likes to drink wine. i like wine too. i didn't love it until i went to italy two summers ago. i didn't love beer until i went to germany two summers ago. i didn't love marijuana until i went to amsterdam five summers ago. just kidding. i don't love marijuana. it's the devil.

my sister had a lot of vases. i guess a lot of boys have given her flowers before. people always tell her how pretty she is wherever we go. even the people shopping at our garage sale did it. no one really bought the vases though.

no one bought this complete dish set either. her mother-in-law gave it to her. i told her i would take it until she said it was not microwaveable. that's all it takes.

i have about fifty purses. i sold a few old ones. but no one wanted my cheap red 35 mm camera. i was only asking for $1.

i don't know where these random dishes came from but i thought they were pretty rad. still no one bought these.

they had lots of good books for sale. i picked up some sartre and thoreau for free before anyone snagged those. but no one wanted these books.

so i drove back to burbank with my money and the stuff i secretly wanted to keep that nobody bought and i went to a gathering with teera.

people used to think teera and i were related. that is a compliment to me because i think teera is so cute. she's my girlfriend. really. this boy is not my boyfriend.

but whenever he gets sick i still want to take care of him and when he is in town, i still want to kiss him. but i know better now.

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