friday 08.15.03 | 7:21 pm
you jump i jump we all scream

so this is what the view is like when you are spending a night in sorrento and get your own posh balcony overlooking the hills where i couldn't sleep because of the heat and the broken air conditioner and where i stayed up with the balcony doors open watching european mtv (which is way better than american mtv.)

but the view when you are looking out is really pretty. and there's just so much to take in that it hurts. and i watched the sun rise and i heard the roosters doing their cock-a-doodle-doo-ing on this very balcony. and i drank a bottle of limoncello with my sister on that very balcony.

european mtv at four am is the motherfuckin' shit. i saw a bjork video and a portishead video and all sorts of weird videos from bands i've never heard of and bands i want to know.

today i watched sixteen candles and prepared more felt designs for purses. i really need to make a trip to the fabric store but i want to go some evening when i don't have to run to my black-interior car with slow air-conditioning start-up. because it really sets my bod on fire to sit in that car when it's been sitting somewhere.

but i'm excited about all this free time i have to craft. the ideas are coming out right and left! and i've been playing around with dreamweaver mx. doesn't it just sound pro of me? that's all i need. the tutorials are going nice and snail-paced.

oh yeah. i love molly ringwald. the best part of the movie is the very end when they're both sitting on the table with the birthday cake. it's so cute. and so hard to believe but it makes girls everywhere go "awww." sick, isn't it?

that movie took place over the course of two days. two days and some hot senior guy dumps his hot girlfriend to date molly ringwald. no offense to molly, but puh-leeze. i watched "funny face" with my homegirl audrey hepburn yesterday. and i've noticed that she's always this unwantable girl in the beginning that goes through some sort of rags-to-riches transformation. well, not in charade. but my fair lady? sabrina? funny face? kinda in breakfast at tiffany's?

jenni's home from san francisco. this means the posse is going dancing at an 80s club tonight. woo woo! i'm off to get pretty so boys will dance with me. ha.

thursday 08.14.03 | 11:22 am
party over here, party over there

being single is a non-stop party. i can say whatever i want and do whatever i want and look like whatever i want. the only part about being single that is sometimes not a party is in your pants. yeah, in your pants. there is no constant influx of ass to call your own. and that sometimes sucks. cause stranger ass is a gamble. it could go well, it could go bad.

when it goes bad, there's nothing you can do about it cause it's not like you know how to push each other's buttons the perfect way. so it's basically a meh situation.

i wanna go surf so bad that it hurts. there's no one to go out with, to learn with, to drive down to the water with. but in about a month i'll be livin' the life one house away from the sand. booya. it's so on. then i won't care about going by myself. i'll just fuckin' walk over to the water, paddle out, fall over cause who gives a fuck and walk home. no worries, lolly.

i am learning how to play a ben harper song on the guitar. it's really exciting. for me. "power of the gospel," you know what i'm sayin'?

i think this diary needs a face lift. people tell me that it looks cute but i think it's been like this for at least a year or something. it's time for ch-ch-changes. especially since i've been looking around at really cute, artsy diaries and all those people would just laugh at me.

not that i care. cause i don't. it's really hotter than a crotch here in the valley. but i comfort myself with ice cream and passing the time by crafting things to sell at swap meets to start-up my little business. wow!

wednesday 08.13.03 | 10:06 pm
tragic, really

when i was in london heathrow for my four hour layover, i browsed the duty-free shops. they like to sell the same things in all duty-free shops, no matter where you are. they sell big cartons of cigarettes. some of them are really big and shaped like the small packs of cigarettes and i think it's kinda cute-looking until i realize that they're cigarettes and i make an *ugh* face.

ugh. ugh x 100. but the packs have these funny little tags on 'em in big letters and i guess it's a new thing. i wonder if it's working.

i called jenni and she is a sad girl cause she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore and she feels lonely and frowny and not good at all. she's so far away up north and she has no one to hang out with. but she's coming down here for two weeks and i hope she cheers up some when she's near her family and friends.

i hope so. she didn't sound too well. her laughs had a hint of uneasiness and the way she talked about the boy made me want to do something ultra-violent.

my cd of today was a toss-up between ben harper and steve miller band and the velvet underground. ben harper won.

i'm excited for jenni to come home. we're going to shop and have a pool party and have her first mixed drink and make cupcakes and watch old movies and have a girlie party like they do in the movies (but nobody really does this) and paint our nails in our pajamas and have "girl talk" and dress fancy and go dancing. maybe i will sing "hopelessly devoted" in my backyard and drop that piece of paper in the water and swirl it around with dreamy eyes. i never really got that part. it just seemed kinda weird. i mean, what ARE you doing?

my love life is so frustrating.... err, non-existent. but i don't care. i really can't stand to see the swede, or even talk to him again. i'm completely embarassed and would just hide if i had to see him or talk to him. it's that bad. brings a tear to my eye. tragic, really!

wednesday 08.13.03 | 3:50 pm
the fish! the fish!

i can't find my cell phone. and i'm not one of those crazy LA people that can't live without it or anything. but i'd really like to know where it is cause in case someone does want to call me, in case someone does want to reach me, i'd like to be able to talk to them.

plus i have to call jenni to comfort her and demetra to say hi and teera to go get a pina colada tonight. so much time, so little to do. strike that. reverse it.

i think my phone might be on armand's couch when i almost fell asleep on it cause it was so comfy and i just sat in the god of all massage chairs so i was relaxed to the max and just chillaxin' like nobody's muthafukkin' biznass. do you like it when i talk like that?

today my mum took me shopping and bought me the cutest cutest cutest waitress dress. it's pink and it has brown piping and brown (tiny) polka dots, a tiny belt, and tiny buttons with shifty little pockets. i want to wear it and carry a pad of paper in my pocket and say "what'll ya have?"

i feel like dancing my ass off in a club. and i'm not a great dancer or anything. but i think the greatest dancers are the ones having the most fun and smilling the most. and believe you me, i have fun and i smile a lot when i'm dancin' my ass off.

there's a hip little mod club demetra is excited about going to called bang. i want to go BANG.

last night there was a small incident in transporting my betta fish, piccadilly, back to my house. armand watched him for me all last week like an angel. armand has a very steep, long strip of driveway and i put the bowl near my foot to keep it from tipping over but to turn the wheel and get out i let go for a moment and in that moment there was water, glass pebbles, and fish all over the floor of my car.

i said FUCK and slammed on the gas in panic then parked my car then turned on a light then reached for the fish put it into the bowl ran out and said "WATERWATERWATERHURRY" and armand said "GIVEMETHEKEYS" to teera and teera grabbed a water bottle and saved the day. my poor piccadilly.

but he's looking better today and i hope he doesn't die. i've grown attached to piccadilly. he's so cute and blue and lovely. he makes me happy when i see him squiggling around his little bowl whispering that he loves me and he'll never leave me.

tuesday 08.12.03 | 4:10 pm
my favorite cat stevens song is "the wind"

i like it because it's so short and sweet and over before you want it to so you have to play it again before you feel satisfied. or i do, anyway.

i really like airplanes. i really really do. i get giddy just driving near lax or picking up someone at the burbank airport. the take off, the landing, the times in between aren't as fun but they're not that bad. airports are so exciting. everyone is off somewhere far and somewhere new and it's so much fun i get off. no, not really.

i remember flying home i looked out the window the whole time and there was just this ocean of fluffy clouds everywhere you looked and every once in a while the land or the bluest, original color of the ocean peeked through like a lacey slip under a skirt.

it was so beautiful. every day i find something beautiful and i learn something new and i feel so good. i want to see everywhere, live in another country, know everything, learn everything, speak every language, be friends with everyone and get to love you. yeah, you. kiss me til i'm in a coma.

tray tables and seats in upright position. the fasten your seatbelt sign has been turned on. seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. inflate the life vest by pulling on the red tabs. never inflate while inside the main cabin.

the throttle the shimmy shake from the engines make me smile. the blue lights on the landing strip make me cry. the food makes me a little nauseated. driving home from lax i looked up at the night sky from the taxi cab window and saw all the airplanes in a line waiting their turn to land. i want to drive to the airport and park my car and drink a bottle of wine tonight. and listen to cat stevens.

robert talked to me. things are good. things are great. i'm gonna go run some errands and kill time before i see my true love, teera, tonight. you know... all i need is me. i don't need anyone or anything to complete me, to fix me. i just need me and that's enough. everything else is a luxury and i'm grateful i get the experience of it, good or bad. there are too many beautiful things in the world to waste time being pouty. so let it slide. take it easy. everything's fine.

monday 08.11.03 | 11:59 pm
the first cut is the deepest

it's really hard for me to get to know someone because i do this thing, subconsciously, where i just can't trust or can't really be comfortable around people that i don't know. so i wonder if i come off as rude because of silence but really i just always have to get used to someone being there before i can even think of connecting with them. it takes a while.

i just fell asleep in this chair. my neck hurts. oww.

today i dared venture to venice beach to see sue. she makes me do bad things, that girl. she makes me shop and shop and shop and wanna do bad things to the dressing room attendant guy or younger-than-19 boys.

that could be a problem.

but i got a new dress and a new hat and a new shirt. i'm pleased.

it has been a long day. i woke up at 7 to go to ihop with my parents. everything else is blurred because i feel so tired. so very tired. it's time to listen to cat stevens til i fall asleep in my big fluffy bed. no more hotels. no more planes. my bed will stay still and i'm the only one that's ever been in it.

monday 08.11.03 | 12:43 am
that's amoré

i'm home! and shit, my timing is all fucked up. i've been up for thirty-some hours napping only a few minutes at a time on the three planes i've been on. it took 24 hours worth of travelling time (including layovers) to get back to lax. but hallelujah, i'm home.

i'm not tired now. maybe it was all the coffee i drank on the plane. maybe.

but i had a really good time. it was so beautiful. the words i could say couldn't do it justice. i've decided to go abroad now. i just can't decide which city i want to live in. i'll show you some pictures, tell you some stories tomorrow.

let's see. i went to pompeii, roma, sorrento, capri, siena, firenze, venezia, pisa, napoli... i think that's all. it was really hot. i had to show lots of skin to be comfortable and it was fine because all the italian ladies do it too. and all the italian fellas blow me kisses and wave hello and smile and say "ciao bella" to me. ha.

a vendor actually said "ey. you are miss california, no? i give you special price cause you are beautiful." and i say... okay. how much?

i don't really get jet lag too bad. i just don't feel especially tired or up. but my mind is telling me to go to bed now. okay. i listen. ciao ciao.

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