saturday 02.01.03 | 6:29 pm
happy chinese new year
my mommy gave me a pillow that looks like a pizza. i've had my eye on it for a long time and now it is mine. see it? it's cute, huh? so is rocky... a cute little weenie dog that jumps all over me. so is my skirt that i was wearing today. so is my anorexic fish, piccadilly. piccadilly doesn't eat. he stares at the food, puts it in his mouth and spits it out. oh... i guess he's bulimic.
poor piccadilly.
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i got bored. but don't worry, i'm studying. i'm going to rape the art history midterm on monday... probably.
went looking for beach houses today and it was quite nice. i could definitely see myself living on the beach. my mom told me not to clean anything today or you'll sweep out all the good luck from the new year. a whole year of no luck? you don't have to tell me twice not to clean.
friday 01.31.03 | 12:22 pm
hallelujah ducky
this duck got very close to me. i was afraid. i am very afraid. i don't want to study. i hate the whole bit of cramming before a midterm... i always feel bad for all the weeks that i didn't study. but i've been getting better.
jessica is my role model. she does all her work way before it's due, goes to the gym, goes to bed early, and has time for schmoozing. not to mention that she's an extra spectacular person. she pats me on the head and rubs my shoulders and gives me kissies and hugs me and tells me that it's okay to feel when she sees me cry.
i love people like that.
so guess what. on wednesday i went to the health center and i peed into that cup and...
i have clean pee.
my kidney infection was pretty bad, but after $140 worth of medication... i'm cured!
wednesday 01.29.03 | 11:22 am
wednesday, i don't care about you.
i don't like wednesdays. i have 3 classes to go to. and today i'm going to the doctor on top of that. and my last class ends at 830. 830. 830. wretched, i know.
it's cold where he is. cloudy with highs in the 60s.
teejay's mad at me. he won't talk to me and he looks sad all the time now. i think i hurt him but i don't know if there's anything i can do to fix it.
i hate that feeling. i just wish everything was okay again and i wasn't hurting people left and right.
monday 01.27.03 | 11:08 am
starving artists
it's like hearing sue zhou play the piano for the first time. she makes it look so easy, she makes it sound so good, even her mistakes are amazing. play it, girl. play it. i wish i hadn't quit piano so early.
maybe then i could be like sue boo.
yesterday i was eating lunch with my family in old town pasadena when i came upon a man. this man was smiling and pointing at himself and speaking. what did he say? he said "book signing today!" there was nobody around, this guy wasn't inside a barnes and noble, this was on the curb.
i read the synopsis of his book. it looked cute, it was compared to the little prince. and how can you turn that down? plus, i support the arts. i'm a patron of the arts, i want to see this guy happy.
"did you know mark twain was once self-published too?"
"no, i did not!"
didn't read the book yet but i'll tell you how that goes. in the meantime you can get to know this author, who signed my very own copy, they call ross anthony.
sunday 01.26.03 | 10:02 pm
new things to love
chin up, tiffany. let's look at all your new things that love you unconditionally.
1. two new dot rugs from ikea in pink AND green
2. donut phone in minty green
3. pretty betta fish named piccadilly
4. softest, cutest polar bear in all the world, snuggles.
snuggles is a bland name. that's the name that was on his ear tag.... i'm going for... polka. polka! now i'm going to be studious. please be proud of me.
sunday 01.27.03 | 12:09 am
sigh
everything is so confusing.
it really, really is. i talked to robby today. things got very intense. it spanned over the course of 2 hours. there were times when he made me cry. and there were times when i got so angry at him. if he was in front of me, i would have pushed him away. i would have hit him (in a girly, light manner). but i miss him. i miss it all so much. and i wish i could just see him again.
teejay said i am the only good thing happening in his life right now. he said a number of nice things about me. things that i didn't think anyone saw in me. i asked him not to put so much pressure on me.
i'm not ready for that.
i can't have what i want.
i need a fix. a person should always have a fix, something that cures all. robby used to be my fix. he used to always make me feel better... and everything else just faded away. and now robby makes me feel like i'm nothing. and whatever he thinks means so much to me.
and it shouldn't. i just want to be happy. it just seems that whenever i get something i want, i fuck it up somehow. i think i want something else. and then i fuck that up. and then i want what i had. and then i'm fucked.