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love
mawr
saturday 01.18.03 | 4:54 pm
friday, 01.17.03 | 12:47 am
216 218 221 225 237 244 249 255 259 303 307 309 315
wednesday 01.15.03 | 12:19 pm
01.14.03 | 5:16 pm
Things are going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay.
monday 01.13.03 | 1:50 am
drink up, baby, stay up all night
monday 01.13.03 | 12:30 am
there used to be happer days between miss tiffany and mr. robert. now that they're not in love things have fallen apart. she broke him and he wants her to disappear.
drop it like it's hot
"ow. i'm sore all over. my back hurts."
"maybe it's because you did so many lap dances!"
last night was good. at one time, i had about 20 people in my room. the night started off at albertsons, buying $100 worth of alcohol. and the night ended at 4 am, eating mexican food.
everything in between will stay in between. but there was lap dances and girl on girl action. and someone shoved a spoon into my pants and then spanked me. oops.
i can count... six people that yakked last night. and it's on the bathroom floor still. i'm not sure i like that whole part of it.
i went to target today. i bought some damn cute bowls and plates. when i see something that is clever and cute and cheap... i have to take it home with me.
a passing minute
those are the times that i checked my watch during oceanography class today (200-320). it's boring as rocks.
it's the little things. i haven't slept before 4 am for a few days. and it's hurting me. my body feels it and every time i can get a minute to sit down, i just close my eyes.
i watched vanilla sky today. i didn't like that movie very much the first time i saw it. but i think that ms. cruz is cute as a button... not cuter than buttons... but just as cute.
every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.
and to everyone that is trying to steal my polar bear... please stop. you're hurting him. and you're making me paranoid. there. that's that. pinky promise to stop, okay?
i have an itching to get in my car and just drive. drive north until i feel okay and that it's time for me to go home. but i'm afraid that i'm going to drive until i get to that person and then i won't know what to do. at that point, do i just sleep in my car in the parking lot? or do i have to turn around and drive 8 hours south to come home?
his name is everywhere lately. more so than it ever was. because i used to think "infinity + 1" every time i heard it or saw it but now i just... stop and think for a while. i can't do this right now. i just wish i could fall asleep for a few months and wake up feeling perfect again and have everything feel perfect again.
i'll tell you in another life when we're both cats.
do you remember frugal gourmet?
i got up at... get this, 930 this morning. i made it to art history lecture and could not help but be bored. today's topic of discussion was the design of islamic mosques. my professor has an uncanny resemblance to the frugal gourmet guy.
he sounds a lot like him too. when i close my eyes, all i can think of is cooking and i want to watch the food network. but then i walk back to my humble little dorm room where i have no cable television.
i bought rugs from ikea. a pink one and a lime green one. they are little perfect circles of carpet and i love them but they smell. they're drying on the rail outside because they've been washed... they still smell.
yesterday i had a buying spout and i walked into pottery barn kids and i walked out with $50 less in my checking account. but... i have a new donut phone that's minty green and a snuggles bear. he's a white, chubby, soft as a baby, polar bear with short limbs that looks up and smiles at you.
cooooooooooo.
things are looking up.
random thought (12:10:32 PM): honestly, love sucks. i miss 2002 and i miss you. don't hate me, and don't hate yourself. we were great while we lasted and i'll always love you. i'll be ok in time. have a wonderful day.
Auto response from ambiguous pixie (12:10:32 PM): ibid.
I'm off to dinner and then... shopping. I was up until four am last night. I was a very tired Tiffany all day long and not very much fun to be around because I kept resting me head and closing my eyes.
Food and shopping though? That I can do.
disgusted by it all
the things you could do, you won't but you might
the potential you'll be that you'll never see
the promises you'll only make
drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
do what i say and i'll make you okay and drive them away
the images stuck in your head
people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still
drink up, baby, look at the stars, i'll kiss you again
between the bars where i'm seeing you
there with your hands in the air waiting to finally be caught
drink up one more time and i'll make you mine
keep you apart deep in my heart separate from the rest
where i like you the best
and keep the things you forgot
the people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
that push and shove and won't bend to your will
i'll keep them still
elliott smith is still my friend. between the bars.
last you'll hear of it
somewhat ironic, but mostly fucked up that i did to robert what joel did to me. and i was fucking bitter for... until this day and now i expect it to be okay. i just end up hating myself.
that was from new year's eve. and all i know is, every time i hear his name, and every time i see a picture of us, and every time i think of last year, i stop breathing for just a few seconds. that needs to stop.
it seems that when you get the chance, you weave a person through every part of your life. and they know everything about you. and you want to know everything about them. they're your best friend until some one moment.
and you want to disappear. because that's what they want from you. every single word he says and every moment that he breathes cuts into me.
i fucked up something great. (not the first or the last time i could say that.) i thought it was great. turns out it wasn't. and i don't regret it. not for a second.
that's it. i accept it. it's over. i'm done.
