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mawr
saturday 01.12.03 | 10:34 pm
i started driving home when it was nearly one o clock in the am. my mom was worried. she worries a lot. she told me a lot of drunks are out on the road late at night. she told me that if my car broke down late at night, bad things could happen. i told her i was fine.
friday01.10.03 | 3:57 am
i don't know how it happened so fast. it's not like i woke up today expecting to have an emotional breakdown.
Friday, 01.10.03 | 12:21 am
Nothing seems to fit right lately.
Wednesday, 01.08.03 | 2:33 am
It's 2:30 am. I can't go to bed until my hair dries. Lo and behold, I am without a hair dryer.
Monday, 01.06.03 | 2:33 pm
life is beautiful
took some pictures before i left school.
i came home this weekend to get my teeth cleaned. i've had this dentist for as long as i could remember. i like how you see someone every 6 months for most of your life and they remember so much about you. he never messes up a single name of anyone in my family, he knows i have a pool, he knows my interests, he knows where i go to school, and he likes to talk about current events.
the other reason why i came home was to see this baby.
i don't know why i complain. i am so lucky. sometimes you just need to see a beautiful thing and it will put everything back into perspective. life is beautiful.
pop quiz, motherfucker
the one person you want to make it all better makes it worse. and the person that used to make it better hates you.
it's pathetic. it's like i constantly need someone there. someone to take care of me. someone to make me feel better. and when it all goes away and you're left with nothing and someone that doesn't want to commit because they think you're still in love with your ex...
what the fuck do you do then?
it used to seem so clear.
to the boy who wrote infinity + 1: i hope you're happy to see me suffer. some good should come from this.
bullet train
I don't know what's wrong with me. But I wish my feelings could be as easily mended as they used to be with a cherry coke slurpee and a nap in the park with someone I used to hold hands with and eskimo kiss with and just like being around because he made everything better. He made me better.
It's strange how everything you experience seems to go around in circles like some kind of infection. First Scarlett went.. then I went.. and this week has been Anna's trial. It's some of the same things, generally, the story is just tweeked a tiny bit.
And it's not like everyone hasn't told me this before... high school sweethearts don't last very long. I knew.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing or what I want. The things I knew, the things I want, aren't coming back to me any time soon.
I can try to forget and move on all I want. But I don't feel any better. All the memories come back so quick. There's this void in my heart and I don't feel like it's ever going to feel okay again. It takes a lot of time for feelings to fade.
it hit hard today. it hit me like a bullet train.
One
Things are strange. I'm more apathetic about school than ever when I'm supposed to still be under the spell of a new quarter. That, and I don't know what I'm doing... with anything.
Stop caring.... now.
Happy birthday, Anna!
That's Anna with all her new school supplies and nail care kit and her talking Stitch. And there's Scarlett and I being silly and oh so Kylie Minogue.
I miss him sometimes. I feel like I just lost my best friend. He hates me. He doesn't want to talk to me and his away messages reek of mope. I don't know what I could do to fix it. I don't know if there's anything I could do. Today I took down the pictures. They were making me sad just looking at them everyday.
How many people tell you that you're the best thing that ever happened to them?
PEN15
Some girls in my suite and I drank on Friday. I couldn't drink much because my tummy was doing acrobatics but that doesn't mean that I wasn't having a good time. We played sexual-themed Mad Libs.
Onward.
I'm being mean buckets to Robert. But he's been mean buckets too. Maybe not mean buckets... more bitter buckets but I understand how that goes. I just wish it was okay again. But as far as these things go, I haven't heard much success with the post-relationship "okay." So I'll wait for it to heal a little and try to mend it. And if he doesn't want to, then I'll have to be okay with that.
I went to Disneyland yesterday and had a grand old time. I like those boys. My friends bailed but maybe it'll work out some other time.
I woke up late and missed a class. I wasn't supposed to fall asleep when I did. But either way,I woke up groggy and couldn't take a shower. There's no hot water in our hall.
I don't feel good inside or out. So... maybe it'll work out some other time?
