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love
mawr
Saturday, 12.28.02 | 12:24 pm
White lines blowing through my mind. And all the while I think of you. Ooo white!
Thursday, 12.26.02 | 5:59 pm
It's my mom's birthday today. Happy birthday, mommy. I'm not allowed to reveal her age, she doesn't like mentioning the details. She doesn't even like celebrating her birthday. She tells us not to get her any presents and to act like it's a normal day. All she asked of me was to go with her to Trader Joe's. So I did.
Wednesday, 12.25.02 | 12:27 am
So Happy Christmas, everyone. Merry New Year.
Sunday, 12.22.02 | 9:53 pm
Oh hello. Fancy meeting you here.
White Lines
I lunched with Nemo yesterday. We caught up on everything and I found out how much I missed her. We'll lunch again with all the girlyfriends next week. It's time to restore the group dynamic which was rocked about a year+ ago. You know, the one where she was out for blood and hated Jenni, then me, then Jenni again, then Jenni and Teera. I'm through with that. I think she is too.
I hauled ass to the Long Beach area after lunching. Still not quick enough to beat the bastardly traffic that seems to incessantly whore the 5 freeway. But I sang along to my friend, Paul M., and kept calm.
I don't understand Tagalog. I feel left out at Teejay's house and other family gatherings. But pish posh. I had a nice time. We went bowling and I rocked his ass for the first couple gos. Then it went downhill and even the cute, new bowling shoes could not save me.
Things are going as well as can be expected. A new year, a new life.
Unfair
I just ended a 15 month relationship. I feel broken even though I'm the one that did the breaking. I just blurted it out because I have no tact whatsoever and he was silent as he withdrew his arms from me. Not another word except "Goodbye."
And now I sort of know what Scarlett meant when she said, "I think of the future and I see nothing. Everything I know is gone."
I was unhappy. I couldn't go on like that forever. I felt like I was missing out on everything in his life and he wouldn't be there for everything I wanted him to see in mine. And now that I've thoroughly fucked up a good relationship today... I think I'll just rest my head in my pillow for days.
If by some chance you are reading this... I'm sorry. I'll get in contact with you soon. I just don't think you want to have anything to do with me right now.
Dibatistah?
"Happy Birthday, Jesus!" Riiiiiight.
Visited with my girlyfriends tonight. Strange. I feel left out when I don't get their inside jokes. I feel like I'm missing my Demetra because she was my half, my buddy buddy. And now she isn't very "into" hanging out with us, per se. Makes me sad because this season is the time for coming together. Start a love train, a love train. You know the Gap, right?
Maybe we'll give it another go. We'll see.
I went to Robert's house to give him his gift as well. It was... interesting. If you've seen The Twilight Zone Movie it's similar to the vignette when the woman is taken to the little boy's house (the one with the bike) and he has all these special powers and at first she's really freaked out by the family because she doesn't really get it. Yeah.
It was awkward and it was made into a much bigger deal than it really was. I wanted to leave, headed for the door and said my goodbyes... but the poor mother scooted me in with a firm grip and I could tell she wasn't going to have it any other way. She was piss drunk... but that's irelevant, I guess.
[Took my seat next to Mr. Di Battista, the man that can make people all over the world cry.] I must have denied cheesecake about 10 times in all. I guess it might have been rude but honestly, I didn't want to eat anything. I don't think his family likes me. I don't think they like anyone. I don't really care.
I like his sisters. They both seem to be dealing with "it" in their own way. Ignoring it completely or making it better than it seems.
The father seemed to want to talk to me about anything and I'm not one for small talk. If I'm not interested, I'm really not, I can't change that. He thinks everyone is an idiot, and he said so in Italian. He smiled and laughed politely still.
The mother rambled on about vacations to places I'd never been. She made me repeat everything I said twice. She hugged me for an uncomfortable amount of seconds when I had to go. I told her to take care of herself. I usually say that before I leave someone but I really hope she does.
She certainly isn't.
An unconventional Christmas eve... I'm glad I didn't grow up in that house.
Jazz Club
I went to a jazz club tonight with my dad. It was great. I was getting a little sleepy in the middle of those epic songs that seem to drag on forever (in a good way.) I like the way jazz music seems to bleed together, sounding random and like they're making it up as they go along.
I've never really been to anything like that before. Beforehand, I felt like I should dress in all black, put on a beret, and grab my cigarettes. Then I realized (after I realized that I don't smoke) that this is not a Beat coffeehouse session...
I think I'm going to pick up an instrument soon. It's been a while since I've tried. Guitar? Sure.
I could be the next singer/songwriter girl. Then you can say that you knew me "way back when."
