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love
mawr
Friday 11.15.02 | 1:14 am
Listen to me carefully. This boy isn't what I want. He's not someone I love. But I find myself thinking of him. And then I tell myself to stop. So then I stop.
Wednesday 11.13.02 | 9:09 am
This is the earliest I've been up in a long time. I need to stop doing this 2 hours of sleep a night thing. I used to preach that I needed sleep desperately and I had a "sleep-like-a-bear" complex but... I've figured out that most of the time, I'd just rather be up and about. Sleep is often the solution to boredom.
Monday 11.11.02 | 3:05 pm
It's been a very strange weekend.
Caught in a Moment
But he finds his way back to my room to take pictures or take me shopping or buy me dinner. He finds his way to my bed to watch movies late at night. He finds his way to walk to class with me. This is going to stop now. This is going to stop right now.
I know what I want. It's 400 miles away. It makes me cry when I hang up the phone. It makes me cry before I fall asleep. He doesn't write. He's starting to call more than once a week. He leaves me little messages to come back to when I'm away.
I know that he loves me. I know that I love him. But I need to be constantly reminded or I find myself forgetting, I find myself regretting things I only wish I could say. I need him to be near.
Because once a month isn't enough. It gets so hard to say goodbye when you don't know when you'll see someone again.
But I can't help but want it to last forever. Infinity + 2. Please come home to me. I don't think I'm all right.
You're Mine
And I'm not bored anymore.
And I thought that things would be easier when I got out of high school.
I'm just held more responsible for things I never even gave a second thought to. And now my life is a Dashboard Confessional song. Pick a song, any song.
I feel like I'm doing something very, very wrong. And I just can't stop. It feels good. But it feels very, very wrong.
The tables have turned. I'm no longer in your hands. I have you and you don't even know it.
I wish I didn't have to censor my writing. Maybe it's time I relocated. I just want to be able to let it all out, no earth-shattering judgment.
A Thing of Beauty
Thursday night = strange.
Friday = driving for 8 hours on 2 hours of sleep. I was cranky and I could barely stay awake. Yes, I know, I'm stupid.
Saturday = Bowling for Columbine. Hey guess what! That was a really great movie. Went to Natural Bridges and a beautiful monarch butterfly landed on me and gave me a kiss.
Sunday night = drama. I thought that was the end of us. What are you supposed to think when there's nothing but awkward silence and glares and when you tell someone, "If you don't want to be with me anymore, just tell me."
The reply: "It's not that easy."
I can't live like that, can you? I stayed a few more hours. We talked. I left. And here I am, still breathing.
Monday = aggressive driving on 2 hours of sleep which = being home in 5.5 hours instead of 8.
You know, every day this past week I've been seeing something beautiful that makes me stop and think. And even though last night wasn't pleasant, it'll only make things better. And that's still beautiful.
