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mawr
Saturday 08.31.02 | 5:17 pm
You could say a number of insulting, crude, offensive things to me and I'd probably just respond with silence.
Saturday 08.31.02 | 12:57 am
I feel ill. It's like every cell in my body is rejecting me all at once. Eep. It's hard to breathe and every swallow requires effort. I don't like the idea of contaminating everything I touch and scaring away everyone from coming close to me. It's a cold, not the plague. But I don't blame you for wanting to keep your distance from this.
Thursday 08.29.02 | 12:34 am
Ha. We went bowling tonight and I was four points shy of first place. Second to the person that seems to beat me at everything. I'll get you someday. Or I will pay airfare and throw something sticky and wet in your face for selling drugs and not bothering to fly down to see me with all your drug money.
Wednesday 08.28.02 | 1:36 pm
My sniffles went away!
Tuesday 08.27.02 | 12:38 pm
I've had a smooth couple of days doing little things. Shopping with the boy for socks and boxers and realizing how picky he can be. "This material doesn't breathe." Driving out to The Grove and paying $10 for 90 minutes with Robin Williams. A few hours at the beach that is found with a little bit of luck. Good dinner compliments of Thai House. Things like this make my days.
Pretend that it's okay.
That's just how I am.
Many times over, I thought we'd reached our end. And I guess, in gerneral, people just get used to the motions. You do something because it felt good and great and even if it doesn't anymore, you're conditioned to think it still has that same effect.
I just get sick watching everything slowly fall apart. And with two weeks left until he's gone... who am I to say "Go away, leave me alone."
I'm no one, I suppose.
And I didn't want to end us with any difficulties... I was hoping for the most painless, easiest, cleanest break. I was hoping I'd be okay. Fond memories or something like that.
Maybe we wanted different things that we can't find in each other.
I've come to the realization that there is nothing great to do for free. Especially in the heat... Especially when you can always buy alcohol and drugs when you're out with your friends and you always seem to find things to do with them... funny how that works out.
We could try to make it fit. Wishful thinking, I suppose. So fucking dramatic, aren't I? It's hard to make time these days.
Here's to your health.
At about midnight, my sister and I decided to make tuna melts. We get these strange urges to bake or cook some nights. We drove to Ralphs to get supplies and ended up buying much more than we needed. We can't pass up hummus... ever. On my way out, I saw Gabe. I look like death right now and really didn't want to see anyone I knew. Gabe is so friendly though and I wonder how he does that all the time. Surely he must snap sometimes... surely. Sometimes his eerie religious views throw me off but other than that, he is a model citizen.
I guess the logical thing to do is sleep but I'm not tired. When I'm going to school, every day is a fight to be awake and I get so run down with work and just being alive. Now that I have no structure to my weeks, I just don't get tired. I sleep out of habit. I sleep because I'm lazy. Bed... I guess.
Elliott Smith's "Needle in the Hay" is the new pink.
Bye Teera
You must think I'm losing it.
God I am in love with Teera. Sisters! Wow! Cool! 2002! She's moving to San Diego today, only an hour away from where I'll be. I'll see her often, I know it. No need to get emotional, but she wrote me a little card and it really made my day.
That's another picture from Disneyland... Teera has this "thing" for Cinderella. She wanted to dress up like Cinderella when she was little but some mean buckets little girl said she couldn't because she didn't have blonde hair. Pfft. Typical. Mulan didn't come out until us girls were all grown up... we had no ethnically appropriate Disney character.
I felt a natural affinity towards my sister the first day I met her four years ago, walking to the pool on a hot day for the first swim practice. Slowly but surely, I feel the end of everything familiar approaching... and I already miss it.
Beatles and Soda
My car is so clean today. It's rarely clean... or even decent. I don't feel like paying money to have it washed because I could just wash it myself. And I just don't get around to washing my car that often. It becomes an event and takes a couple hours when it actually happens. My dad helped me wash it last night. Actually... he probably did most of the work. Go, dad, go.
I painted these frames yesterday and shellacked them... [ ! ] I bought the prints in Rome but they were probably just going to sit around and get ripped unless someone framed them. Ta-da.
And then I just took a picture of my blueberry soda because I thought the can was cute. Cute, right? He looks like he's going to eat someone.
I was watching HELP! yesterday and I forgot how funny it was. "'ey, Be-at-el."
Pause.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow. Heaven forbid I tell you how many years. I never know quite what to get him... as is the case from him to me. He usually just takes me out shopping and if I see anything I want, I can have it. My lifestyle cannot afford that offer but... I'll work something out... always do.
I'm going to get my dose of hepatitis b today. Looks like an afternoon of waiting rooms ahead. C a l m.
