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mawr
Saturday 08.17.02 | 10:54 am
It was a lonely evening. I watched two episodes of Sex and the City curled up in a ball. I rearranged my classes to make my schedule even more difficult. I just didn't want to take a survey course of Biology all over again. I opted for the General Ed of Psychology. My sister would be proud.
Thursday 08.15.02 | 8:05 pm
So take a breath and let it go because another day will come.
Wednesday 08.14.02 | 12:02 am
Tuesday 08.13.02 | 11:58 am
I'm home!
Bikini Girl Purple Shirt
I don't know how it happens... but after a long day of lounging, my hair looks like this. It's bigger and more flipped than I've ever managed with all the curling irons, hair dryers, and molding waxes.
My mom gave my keys back. But wait, she didn't actually hand them to me and say anything, anything at all. She left them on the kitchen counter and I didn't see them for half a day. I think she's trying to mend things now that I'm spending more time lazing around the house. She asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream last night... I guess I am 12 all over again.
Say When
I wanted to take a class called "Drugs and the Brain" but it's unavailable. That was the case with Writing 39B. My schedule is out to get me. I'd really like to leave for college already. The only thing I actually want to stay here for is Robert. I know that I'll run into my friends some time or other and that'll be good enough. Go out on holidays, catch up on the news, write every once in a while, and nothing more is needed to sustain those relationships. My social life is like one giant Chia Pet.
But it'll be different with him. I'm afraid that one morning I'll wake up with a pain in my chest and an empty feeling in my body. Everything comes and goes, I know, this shouldn't be an issue. My life seems to be just a series of phases, that's all. Low light, high light, neutral. Like, hate, love, nothing. I'm not going to think about this anymore.
Today, Robby and I ventured out all the way to Chinatown. It was quite an afternoon. I just woke up and left my house. I even took my sister's house key with me. My mom tried calling me and yelled a little when I got home but I'm getting better at dealing with her. The apathetic glare at the television to the left of her works best. Robby picked up smoking paraphenelia... I picked up a full stomach and a ride, no parking tickets... everyone wins!
I am going to be the brand new me from now on. I bought new liquid eyeliner this afternoon. That finishes off a great day. (Yes, I know I'm materalistic.) Watch out, world.
I apologize in advance for the mess around here.
Bollocks and Keys
berlin . florence . paris
So there are a few. And by the by, the metro station is Abbesses... the one in Amélie. I guess I've done it. My mom took my keys away. I don't know where they are now. She probably keeps them in her pocket like Cinderella's evil stepmother did. I came home at 11:30 pm and my mom never gave me a time. Just be home at a reasonable hour, one would assume. I left a little before 8. Is it so fucking unreasonable?
I'm not allowed to go out at night... for the rest of my time here. What, am I 12 again? Now is the time when I wish I could put an ocean between us and go to school abroad. I know that I said I missed everything while I was away... I didn't miss my mom a tiny bit.
For a moment I felt a bit guilty about our goodbye. She looked at me and she wanted to say something at the airport but all that came was "Goodbye" and a tap at my elbow. I made no response and no effort to make any contact. And when I came home... it was more of the same. I walked into the house and she walked into the kitchen and I went right to shuffling through the mail.
I'm just so tired of this. I've stopped pretending that things are okay. I've stopped trying. This is how it is. And I'm too stubborn to care... that's how it goes.
Well... Cinderella gets the prince. Cinderella gets the shoe. Cinderella gets out of the attic. But Cinderella still got to stay out until midnight.
Home Again
The times they are a-changing. I'm just not going to even bother to try and write about the past three weeks... it'd bore you to death and it's just too fucking much to fathom right now. I'm just trying to adjust to the time difference.
Let's just pick up where we left off, shall we?
I feel a lot better. The world's in color once again. I told Bryan I just wanted to get far away from myself because nothing felt good anymore. I don't think he really understood me.
I'm just so happy to be home. I missed... everything. The past three weeks have been nothing shy of amazing. London. Berlin. Florence. Rome. Paris. London.
