i'm tired so tired please save me i don't need more it's breaking me a month gone by in five days i hurt then you hurt and nothing is right.
oh my jesus i feel so burnt out. that, and my sister left for vegas with my makeup. my good makeup. my fancy makeup. gone! all i have to say is "bitch!" because i've got prom on saturday. that is the drama of today. now let me go write my english paper before dark. fucking madness. i'm doing a paper/project a day.
tuesday 06.04.02 | 9:06 pm
i can never be a joanna han
god, this week is hectic. do you get that feeling when your head is moving so quickly that you can actually follow the paths in your brain and you can see them, quick as lightning, faster than sound, but nothing's really getting through to you? your thoughts are going 100 times faster than you could ever speak... that feeling drives me mad. i've been getting it a lot lately. it's what i would imagine speed would feel like. it's nice for about five minutes... the novelty of it is fascinating but after that, my head hurts. i must sound mad.
here is what is going on with me this week... the nerd in me won't let a week go by without a peep in here but i doubt i will get in another word until... sunday, if you're lucky.
monday robby and i ditched school. we went shhhhhopping! then i went to senior awards night and i felt like i should have tried harder in high school. i felt like i could have been better, could have gone up on that stage more if i had tried. oh well. four awards isn't bad.
tuesday ehhh. today was the senior awards luncheon. again it was the feeling of 'hey wow i'm not so bad' mixed with 'i should have been better.' i think secretly i wish i could be as great as joanna han. i think secretly that is what my parents wish too. but pish posh. i can only be who i am and that is good enough for me. i opened a savings account today and i read 100 pages in this side of paradise.
i am getting vapid over school. i have ze lang book report, ze government paper, et ze canterbury tales. i'm not used to this after weeks of coming home and watching tv until supper. pfft... prom is saturday... pray for me. today my mom told me that i am not allowed to have sex on saturday. but she didn't say that i had to be home at any particular time. after i hinted that people would be drinking and that i didn't want to make someone drive me home intoxicated... she didn't say anything along the lines that i shouldn't be drinking or participating in drugs. huh.